Sunday, October 25, 2009

This is just not healthy...........

It isn't healthy to smoke, which I took up again since being here, it isn't healthy to drink too much, which I have been doing lately. It also isn't healthy to over eat and eat the wrong things which I have also been doing. Well the results speak for themselves, I'm nice a "chubby" ha ha right fat actually, I am tired all the time and I can't go for two hours without a smoke and I want to climb the walls, though I do force it at times for up to 12 hours at a time.

It also isn't healthy to want to "cry" on a Monday morning because I have to come to work? WTF? I am a big grown up person and I could really just bawl when I have to come here, especially Monday's.

First thing is no more alcohol for a bit because if I have it I have too much, I sleep very well afterwards but it is very fattening and unhealthy! So I'm going on weighless from tomorrow (we get paid today so I can stock up on the right foods). T is joining me so I am sure we will do it! Secondly I am starting to "delay" my fags for as long as I can in between so I can slowly wean myself off like I did 3 years ago. I know that I can't do it all at once, diet, quit booze and fags, but I can start off slowly and take it from there. I am thinking that if I start loosing weight and feeling better about myself I will focus on that and the work situation won't be so bad. I have allowed it to get out of hand, and I need to focus more on my LIFE than my job right now.

wish me luck!!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

I'm NARFI.........(no ambition f*ck all interest)

I have got to a stage at work where I'm kind of on "strike" I am merely doing what is in my job description and no more. It isn't like me to be this way and having always been in management up until now I don't like it in other people either. But I go more than the extra mile and I get treated the worst, I know it is jealousy and envy and a lot of things, it usually doesn't bother me because I like to be busy and to use the brains I have been blessed with. But I am frankly "gatvol" (fed up) and since yesterday morning I have taken life very easy at work. I have even said "I don't know" when asked for help, one person commented that he has NEVER heard me say that before. Actually I did know but they getting paid to know and solve and do it so why should I do it? It annoys me that I know more than the managers and have to keep helping them (and they don't make this public knowledge). Behind closed doors they thank me and have even rewarded me with performance bonuses etc. But the rest of the staff don't get to know about it, I am doing the job I want the recognition FFS!! In public they treat me like the other staff members that do just enough to get by, that isn't fair. In actual fact I am often treated the worst and I think it is there way of "putting me in my place" for knowing more and because I am a threat to them? It is an odd contrast to be phoned by a Branch Manager or a Head Office Manager and be treated with respect and as an equal and then sit here all day and be treated like a frikken skivvy. I have even been made the SAP SME (subject matter expert) for my region and they never told a soul or acknowledged this at all.

It has lead to hours of unhappiness and even tears of frustration, I have no respect for these people anymore. I am beyond frustrated and upset. I am loosing my mind and I am drinking too much and eating too much and driving myslef crazy. I know I know get another job, in this small town and economic climate it is nearly impossible to do so. I need to earn what I am earning now, I did go for one interview for a decent position and salary at the opposition, the bastards follwed me and f*cked it up for me. Somebody that used to work here works there now and they called up an told my boss that I was going? WTF?

This is kind of scary for me because it goes against my nature and my ambition for the future. I would gladly go back to Gauteng given half a chance but T doesn't want to go and next year is his last year in Junior School, so I am stuck here.

So I have had a lazy day, I have been collecting money as the debtor's lady is on maternity leave on top of my job I have brought the debtors days down by TEN and collected a lot of old money, but what happens I get treated like crap. So today I am not doing a dam thing. They even gave me an assistant for the last two weeks (after I have been doing three people's jobs for 3 months already) and he isn't even here he went to lunch nearly two hours ago and we only get half an hour...............I rest my case...................

O and in case you might think I am jeapodising my chances I have been promised a promotion THREE times over the last two years and it has never happened, I doubt it!!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

My dogs...........

My garden

The yesterday today and tomorrow is gorgeous right now, I took this photo over the weekend but since then many more buds have opened the lilac ones and even a few of the almost white ones are out now, you can hardly put a pin between the flowers and there are still a lot of buds on it! YAY! I can smell it in my bedroom at night and it is one of my favorite ones. I always said one day when I'm "big" I want one in my garden.......there you have it I am blessed in so many ways:

Friday, October 2, 2009


As Momcat and Brigitte pointed out to me my priorities are starting to change and for the better! I have made good progress this week with my new resolve to give only so much to my job and way MORE to my life itself. I am way more relaxed having so much extra time at home (and those of you who know me well will know that is the place I'd rather be most in the world). I even managed to do half my house work already leaving way more gardening and relaxing time over for the weekend.

It hasn't stopped raining the entire week, the new plants I planted last Sunday are all looking great and my timing for that was excellent. I also tried growing a hydrangea from a slip for the first time ever, I am growing it in a pot of potting soil to give it a good head start, this little plant has taken off so, it has new leaves and shoots already and has doubled in size and that in two weeks. I am so proud of that one. My father brought me some baby clivias and ground covers when I took T last week and those are all happy as Larry after the rain. He is bringing me some more on Sunday when I got and fetch T so I am really filling my garden up now which is excellent. I love my garden and I spend a lot of time there, with my three dogs and the half grown boerboel from next door, the minute he sees me in the garden he peeks over the wall for his daily share of the "love". I have a bird bath and two feeders and we have recorded over 30 species in our garden alone. If I get up a bit late my pair of resident sparrows and the one solitary Cape Weaver shout at me until I get up and fill the feeders. Once they have got me out to do so the other birds all arrive, I spend a lot of early mornings drinking my coffee in the garden watching the birds.

Last night I went out to supper, BIG treat for a single mom, a good friend treated me, but we were disappointed as the food was awful. But the vodka was good and the company so it was a nice evening. I am tired today though and so glad it is weekend. I am only going to fetch T on Sunday so I am having my last day of freedom tomorrow and if the weather has cleared up it will be a gardening day for me as the grass and weeds have grown very well too in the last week.

Hope you all have a great weekend!!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

The week that was...........or almost YAY!!

It has been rather a quiet week at work as the schools are closed and a major chuck of our client base is government schools, so when they close we take a break. I had a terrible Monday I got so angry at my boss that I went home and bawled my eyes out, much to the dismay of my three dogs who all cuddled up to me and comforted me as much as they could. It was pure anger and frustration and it was like something "snapped" inside my head. A colleague who was also angry as she had been treated badly too came around and we had a few glasses of wine and commiserated with each other.

We soon cheered up and decided to start ourselves a "supper club", well if two women a BF and a kiddo can be called a club :-). We are going to cook a nice meal once a month, choosing different recipes each time and sharing ones with each other, this way we learn new recipes and we get to have fun doing it. We are very excited and our first "supper club" is next Friday! We all get on well and have a good time when we together so it is something to look forward to!

Tonight I am being treated to supper out by another friend that I have know since we were in high school together. Her other half has gone out of the country for ten days so it's girl time with T being away too. I am looking forward to it!!

Most of the week I have been helping two of our technicians write their online technical exams, it is my sharp eye and quick brain that helps, it is self paced learning with manuals to refer to, but has to be done within a time frame and you have to get 70 - 80% to pass depending on the test. I have amazed the guys already, yesterday a technician and I attempted what they all said was the most difficult test of all and we passed!! YAY for me!! My technical knowledge and IT knowledge has sky rocketed and I am actually very proud of ME!!

On Saturday night a friend and I are having a braai at my place and on Sunday I am doing my 360km round trip to fetch Mister T so he can go back to school on Monday.

A bonus and plus to my head "snapping" on Monday is I have decided to now treat work like a "job" for now, it isn't my "life" it is a "job", so I have been coming in at the proper starting time not half an hour earlier and I leave promptly when it is time to go, I used to work from early to late and go way more than the extra mile. Now I do what I can in the eight hours and what I can't I leave for the next day. I know it is easier this week because we are quiet, but after that who can tell? All I know is I am no longer prepared to work way harder than most and so much over time yet get treated like sh*t. I have returned my office keys as I am no longer prepared to wait for the truck if it is late etc. I am a single mother my priority is my child so now I am doing the right thing and putting him first. My work ethic's wont change I will work hard and use my knowledge and experience and they will have my total commitment between 8 and 430, that is where it will end. I have NEVER felt like this is or done this before I always give a lot to my career and job, but what happened was the final straw. This morning I even got time to clean my kitchen before work and if I can do a little housework every morning I can rest more on the weekends YAY!!