Thursday, January 22, 2009

We are going to gym and I have to QUIT

I am really looking forward to this, my friend and I are going to go to gym together, we going to go and see what it's all about after work today. It's a ladies only gym and you go five days a week. For a long time now I have been getting more and more irritated with my body and being unfit and not exercising. I used to walk and do weights every day until about six months ago then I just gave up and haven't been able to motivate myself anymore. But together we are going to do this!!!

Oops now I HAVE to quit smoking again need the money to go to gym, don't know why I ever started again in the first place as it is making me so sick. Anyway I don't have any ciggies now so lets hope and pray I can be strong like last time and stick to it. I have all the knowledge and education necessary to do so I researched quitting "cold turkey" for three weeks last time and then quit. I was so strong, and motivated then I threw it all away! Sometimes I could just slap myself. Anyway I have gum, wine gums, halls, banana's and orange juice today I am really going to try! OK let me not think about it 'cos then I am going to want to smoke. In for a rough three days I know that much, 72 hours before all the nicotine is out of my system. The first three days of cold turkey are the worst. I expect I shall be whining away plenty about quitting, so if anyone feels moved to help motivate this addict please do so!! Thanks!!!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Crazy Festive Season

It wasn't all smooth sailing this festive season and two really awesome friends of mine lost friends of theirs one in an accident and she was only 21 and one to a heart attack. Guys my heart is so sore for both of you and you in my thoughts a lot.

I got robbed at the ATM at 11:15 in the morning. It's not the first time I have been robbed, my car was broken into twice in Centurion and my home was robbed when I lived on a plot and T was very little. BUT those ones where when I wasn't around and though you feel violated etc it is somehow not as bad. Three men lots of shouting and screaming and T was in the car. It was scary and unsettling and I don't wish it on anyone. I am sad about the 2k I lost as a single mother never has enough money, but I am grateful to my guardian angels that I didn't get hurt physically and that T stayed in the car. He couldn't see from his angle what was happening thank goodness or who knows what he might have done. I couldn't sleep for a few days afterwards kept seeing the guy that did all the shouting every time I closed my eyes.

Thank you to my friends who were so supportive I really needed it, and couldn't have managed that all alone, one of you was overseas at the time your sms's meant the WORLD to me, you were so angry on my behalf and you understood perfectly that it hit me emotionally!! I even got a grocery gift voucher from a good friend in Johannesburg and that also meant a great deal!! Thanks guys I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful mates!!!

Back to the grindstone

I have been back at work a while but today was T's first day back at school. He is a different child this time since he came home. My parents had a long talk to him and it has really made a difference, my Mom asked him to be be kind and helpful to me etc. They didn't go into detail but I am kinda grateful as he has been known to give me an extremely hard time when he first comes home after staying with my family. He has been a pleasure and yip I know it's early days yet but I'm really enjoying him right now.

I'm feeling kind of sad and lonely since being back at work, I honestly do not get on with the people here they are difficult to say the least, most have worked here for ages and they don't like change etc etc long story. But I have been back stabbed shouted at undermined and all sorts of things since I came to this branch. I know in my head and my heart it isn't "me" I do tend to blame everything on myself but I have so many friends and great colleagues and have never had problems like here so it isn't me. BUT having said that I have also decided to no longer allow them to "get" to me. I have distanced myself from the negative talk the back stabbing the screaming, I WALK AWAY I don't react I leave them to do it to each other. NOW I'm a "miserable cow" that sits in her office and doesn't "mingle" he he you can't win. But I like it this way I laugh a lot I'm happy and busy and I keep my side clean as a whistle (not that it helps you can NOT join in here and still get into trouble somehow?/)..........How childish this all is, and some days I laugh only because it is so absurd.

BUT I do have a soft heart and I have one amazing friend here he works in the next town 100km away though and doesn't come to the office often, he was here today what a lekker surprise, we are not just colleagues we are mates and we chat about all sorts of stuff. I walked out with him when he left and to my disgust and surprise I wanted to CRY when he drove away. It was like a five year old when their playmate goes home. I suddenly felt so so alone and sad............dam whatever next? I feel "safe" and cared for when he is here, everyone knows we are mates, it's kinda like he "protects" me he he.......He also doesn't care for the way these people are, we started here more or less the same time. he understands...........

I miss my maatjie.....:-)