Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Sleepless nights.............

I have never slept well since I was 11, I have a terribly active mind and I just cannot fall asleep, the result is I spend most of my life tired, o well I am pretty much used to it at this stage but dammit I want to sleep and haven't slept since Saturday night. I have slept on and off but two hour stretches at a time don't really work and last night I had "nightmares" and guess what about? This dam woman here! I'm so proud and I stand up and fight for once and now I have bad dreams? Dreams about her finding out really personal stuff about me and telling people and bribing me etc. Holy cow! I need help dudes!! he he he. O well it will pass I am sure.

BTW I do have medication to help me fall asleep but that often plays on my mind too and then I imagine that I never wake up or that something happens I don't hear it. Which is a load of BS cos the meds simply help me doze off I wake up if there is a noise or T needs me or anything like that and it doesn't make me drowsy, but I am able to fall asleep again if need be and I sleep well. Plus I only take HALF the dosage but what to do about a slightly sick mind hey?

Tomorrow I have a two hour drive to take T half way to my parents (well 40km over half way) and then back again. Boy do I need to sleep tonight! Wish me luck.

I am looking forward to the break, this is my bonus for living far from my family I don't get a break during term time and I don't have back up at hand BUT I get all the school holidays off and while that might sound harsh, a single mom can always do with a break! This morning was a bad start for me cos T didn't go to school but got up extra early and disturbed that holy morning peace that is so important, between him and the dogs running around and playing and making a noise it has made me more tired :-).

So I found my "balls" today..............

I am so proud of myself I stuck up for "me" for once in my life and in a mature and rational manner. I have been at this branch for two years and two months. There is a woman here that has back stabbed and picked on me since the day I got here. She is so bad that the previous Branch Manager even told the MD of the company how badly she treats me. Well I tried long and hard and we came to a working relationship, but this woman gossips about everyone behind their backs and I happened to find out that she was still doing it to me. I don't generally mix much at work, I keep it to business mostly and I keep to myself (this causes people to gossip I know), anyway she sent a rude email to my boss about me and copied me. He called us both into the Branch Managers office and I let them have it. In a cool extra polite manner I explained that I was tired of being spoken about as she doesn't even know me and she has no right to talk about me. I said I was perfectly willing to be polite and business like at work and not allow this to interfere with the working environment but I would have nothing further to do with her except business. I also said she must get out of my face and leave me alone and did not want to hear that she has been talking about me ever again. She tried to deny it half heatedly but I argued that she talks about everyone including me and she kept quiet after that. Both managers called me afterwards and said I did the right thing and it was about time I stuck up for myself.

This might sound like a childish post or a stupid one. But here is the thing, I don't like confrontation & I don't like office gossip, I don't mix at work for that reason. I work very hard and I am very busy I don't even have time for this kind of rubbish. Plus I am mature and intelligent and have a life so I don't need to worry about what others are doing in theirs. I have NEVER stuck up for myself like this before I usually get all upset and stay in my office and calm down, I allow people to walk over me. Not only at work but in other situations too. Today was a MILESTONE in my life. I felt so good afterwards I was shaking with rage, but nobody saw I was angry; I was calm and polite and professional. I have had enough of this BS!!!

Friday, September 18, 2009

12 - stolen from Angel (thanks mate)

1. want: it to be next Friday for various reasons

2. need: to leave the past behind

3. thankful for: my home my family and my friends old and new

4. thinking: I shouldn’t let people hurt or upset me but I keep allowing it???

5. quote: “if you want something you have never had you need to do something you have never done” – Dr Phil

6. watching: my pc screen?

7. lacking: MONEY glory it’s been a long month

8. listening: the rain at last it is raining been awfully hot and humid lately

9. responding: to my colleagues that are making a potjie for lunch, sounds good to me

10. planning: my weekend

11. am: really tired, have taken on extra responsibilities at work and I am so busy it is scary

12. not: emailing my boss my thoughts on some changes being made that he asked me about yesterday OOPS!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

School projects...........

T has had a lot of projects this term and we have learnt some interesting things. As I am sure other mom's understand the schools keep giving projects, but a lot of the research and picture printing etc lands on the parent's already full plates. Lucky for me I work for an office automation company so I can scan and print and do whatever I need to at the office. I have Internet access too so it is relatively easy for us to help with these projects, but I do wonder how parents cope that don't have all these benefits?

Today T handed in his project on Tibetan Sky Burials: they had to do a project on rituals or traditions. The sky burial is an interesting one where the body is cut up and the bones smashed and mixed with barley flour then fed to vultures. The Tibetans believe that the birds are angel's and aid the passage of the soul to heaven. I know to some it will sound gross but we found it interesting. But apart from printing some pictures (which are not easily obtained as photography is not encouraged at these burials) and some information I left him to do it. T always does his own projects and he types the information in his own words saves it on his memory stick and I print it for him at work.


A lot of projects are so obviously done by the parents. There is a special section of marks for "own" work and i wonder how these projects are marked? it seems unfair to compare the work of a 12 year old to the work of a 35 - 40 year old parent? Last Friday the grade 6's had entrepreneurs day at school. We were encouraged to accompany them and help them at their stalls etc. I had some business to do at the bank etc so I took a days leave. T and I made chocolate covered marsh mellows and a LOT of water balloons. We also sold cold drink. My child worked hard, he filled ALL the balloons himself, he stood over a pot of melting chocolate and covered his marsh mellows and added sprinkles. We had a simple table with a cloth and sold most of our things. But glory it was an experience, while some other children also had simple stalls and sold simple things, a LOT of the stalls were run by the parents. They were set up like shops & sold expensive and fancy things, they had huge banners and chocolate fountains and were totaly overboard. I can't even begin to explain the contrast between the two sets of children. The ones with fancy shop like stalls were not even selling their own things rather running all over the place while "mommy" did it. T sold his own things and he even worked around the school hawking his wares as did a lot of other children. Now tell me HOW are the teachers going to mark that little exercise?? Who is going to get better marks? The kids that did their OWN stalls and made their OWN things to sell or the others??