Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Back to the grindstone

I have been back at work a while but today was T's first day back at school. He is a different child this time since he came home. My parents had a long talk to him and it has really made a difference, my Mom asked him to be be kind and helpful to me etc. They didn't go into detail but I am kinda grateful as he has been known to give me an extremely hard time when he first comes home after staying with my family. He has been a pleasure and yip I know it's early days yet but I'm really enjoying him right now.

I'm feeling kind of sad and lonely since being back at work, I honestly do not get on with the people here they are difficult to say the least, most have worked here for ages and they don't like change etc etc long story. But I have been back stabbed shouted at undermined and all sorts of things since I came to this branch. I know in my head and my heart it isn't "me" I do tend to blame everything on myself but I have so many friends and great colleagues and have never had problems like here so it isn't me. BUT having said that I have also decided to no longer allow them to "get" to me. I have distanced myself from the negative talk the back stabbing the screaming, I WALK AWAY I don't react I leave them to do it to each other. NOW I'm a "miserable cow" that sits in her office and doesn't "mingle" he he you can't win. But I like it this way I laugh a lot I'm happy and busy and I keep my side clean as a whistle (not that it helps you can NOT join in here and still get into trouble somehow?/)..........How childish this all is, and some days I laugh only because it is so absurd.

BUT I do have a soft heart and I have one amazing friend here he works in the next town 100km away though and doesn't come to the office often, he was here today what a lekker surprise, we are not just colleagues we are mates and we chat about all sorts of stuff. I walked out with him when he left and to my disgust and surprise I wanted to CRY when he drove away. It was like a five year old when their playmate goes home. I suddenly felt so so alone and sad............dam whatever next? I feel "safe" and cared for when he is here, everyone knows we are mates, it's kinda like he "protects" me he he.......He also doesn't care for the way these people are, we started here more or less the same time. he understands...........

I miss my maatjie.....:-)

3 comments:

momcat said...

Nice to have you back Lulu. Best wishes for this new year and hang in there. If you like yourself no one can get to you. Your family are the only important ones when it comes down to it and close friends are like extended family so dont worry about the negative small minded people. They are just trying to get a reaction out of you - small minded gang mentality!

angel said...

yay- i was wondering when you were going to blog again!
i'm glad its going better with t this time...

lulu said...

Hey hey thanks for the wishes and same to you momcat and thanks for the support i appreciate it.

Angel work has been a nightmare since I came back (nobody does my stuff if I'm away and my manager also not here) but hopefully will be back on track now!!