We have a new family member..........

He is boerboel cross and his name is Brutus and he knows his name so I can't change it. This is the sweetest dog you can imagine, he arrived on Saturday after the plastic worked overtime on a kennel.............but he doesn't leave our sides and sleeps on T's bedroom floor. My T has been really nervous since all the nonsense now he has a constant "pack" of dogs following him even when he goes to shower B is on guard. He loves his sisters already and the people in the flat got a dachshund cross that spends the afternoon's with T too, so he has four dogs to play with and he feels way safer. I do too, it has made a huge difference. He is sweet and has a huge voice that scares anyone coming near. I think just the sight of the big kennel outside and the dogs in the garden all day scares them off. I am hoping so anyway. Landlady hasn't done ONE thing to beef up the security so I am glad I went ahead and adopted mister Brutus and did my own thing (I did get her permission). I think it is pretty slack of her to not do anything but that's people for you hey? Now when I garden or hang out washing etc I have a big bodyguard and I've actually started enjoying my garden and house again. It is extra work and he needs training & we are having to introduce dog & cat which is going well baby steps are required though, he had never seen a cat before and Thomas wasn't very impressed but they doing OK now. This weekend all the dogs need a bath and especially the new boy! Anyway time to go to school and fetch T.

It just doesn't stop................

Wednesday evening 20H10 (I glanced at the VCR's clock when it happened) we were watching TV in the lounge and heard a bang and glass shattering. Glory not again? It was my bedroom window and this time I really got the shakes. I phoned the police while standing there looking at the window (it is the small one at the top the "shutter" type) they obviously didn't like me closing it now, so thought they would smash it and stick the branch through. Well they slipped up didn't they? Besides I don't leave anything anywhere near this window anymore so WTF for?? The police were there within 10 minutes and we took a walk around with them. They promised to be in the area up and down all night and they were I saw them several times. It is apparently a "hot spot" area right now. It wasn't a great evening, I had a few glasses of wine, we moved into the TV lounge that has three doors all with security gates on and slept there. I slept very well but I felt like crap all day yesterday, landlady made me contact the glass companies, they fixed the window, she paid. The police said I must leave the dogs outside, they too little they get very protective and are wide awake but they are too small.

Landlady has to come up with some extra security now, the people in the flat and T and I are scared now. She should have done it last time. Some people say O you must move, no frikken ways!!!!! I like my house I just moved I'm NOT going to let these f*ckers chase me away! I might be getting a Boerboel this weekend his owners don't want him anymore he is three. Or I am going to the SPCA to look for a big dog. Landlady is going to have alarm split so that the flat and house have separate controls so we can arm the dam thing, she is dragging her feet she is annoying me, BUT I am NOT going to move out. There is a lady that wants to join the gym that does landscaping she is willing to plant twenty 2m high fever trees with dreadful thorns on around the place where they are getting in, she wants three months free gym is all. So the ladies are working on landlady today!

So yes I am nervous and tired and angry and fed up! But I am NOT being chased away!! Besides I'm kind of excited about the dog (he he typical), and why shouldn't I have a house?

I was robbed AGAIN............

I’m sitting here at work in a semi state of shock. I was robbed AGAIN last night. This time they pushed a long branch through my bedroom window and stole my handbag by hooking it with the branch. We were watching TV at the time the window was closed by latched not locked. The curtains were closed we were at home where you meant to be safe. The dogs went crazy T ran to the bedroom and saw somebody run away; it was too dark to see who or anything. Then he saw the branch thrown on the lawn. Had to cancel all my cards, phone the police and wait for them. My friend came around she drove around the streets to see if they didn’t dump it somewhere. She took us to the police station to get an affidavit because now I don’t have a driver’s license. She gave me money because everything was in my handbag. T finally got to bed at 11.30. I was awake until 2am; I needed a rescue pill they were in my handbag. I had to sit at home affairs for two hours this morning to get a temp ID certificate and apply for another ID book. I had to go to the bank with said temp ID to get a new debit card. I am so tired; I am scared I am fed up. Why can’t people just leave other people’s things alone? Why is this country so riddled with crime? Why did this happen to me again so soon?

On the bright side we fine, my cell phone wasn’t in my bag; I don’t keep any of the keys in my bag. I have been and sorted out all except my driver’s license I have cancelled all my cards. I will get my credit cards back in a week, I have a new debit card. But man I can’t focus on the positive right now. This happen at 18H15, not late at night or in the early hours of the morning at 18H15 ffs!! We have to go back to that house tonight we have to sleep there, we are all alone & tired and scared and generally pissed off!!!

When to cut a “friend” loose??? Advice anyone?

This is a subject that I have mulled through in my head and heart for the last four years at least. I have discussed it with two other close friends and they both say that it is a tough one BUT that this person is playing me and to put it frankly fucking with my mind!

I have a friend that I have had for years and years. This person can be the nicest person on earth and can be very sweet and spoils me at times, makes my life a bit easier etc. BUT and it is a big but this person can also be very horrible and nasty, don’t get me wrong I am 43 years old I know we all have our “days”!! I am no saint and I can also be a miserable wench like the best of them. But this person borders on abusive at times. This person puts me down treats me badly and makes me feel totally rotten at times. Even makes me feel “less” of a person and mother. I know this person has issues and an inferiority thing going on and I can understand that “beating” up on somebody close must make her feel superior and better etc. But I don’t think I need to be anybodies punch bag. I have had my opinions crushed, been belittled had my feels belittled and my mothering skills attacked at times.

I end up avoiding this person and carrying on with my life and then suddenly one day she will come popping back into my life with a gift or a gift for my son. Or do something “amazing” and then I start questioning this whole process all over again, then I convince myself that she is actually a great friend etc, & the cycle starts all over again. She has done wonderful things for me and I do appreciate it a whole lot, but I get very hurt and angry when she is nasty and awful to me and I even start second guessing my choices and myself and I don’t believe this is healthy.

I have discussed this at length with a very close friend of mine and every time “abuse” starts we chat about it, it upsets me. I also sometimes need reassurance that it isn’t my “fault” at times because things can be going great and suddenly she will STAMP on me again. My other friend said once that she doesn’t know how I put up with this behavior and I should think long and hard about whether the friendship is really worth it. My own son has said he doesn’t like the way she speaks to me at times or to him for that matter. I think I am confident enough now to realize that it isn’t me.

Actually I think I have answered my own question by writing this down. It isn’t worth it this person doesn’t deserve my friendship or me. I have so many amazing friends in my life and so much support and love why would I need to be treated badly??? I have spent many hours being really hurt by this behavior and feeling like crap I don’t need this.

Ok so now HOW do you cut somebody like this loose? What if she turns up and does something extra sweet again what happens then?

I have a plan now................

Last time i quit smoking I worked with a plan and it worked because I did quit even though it was only for ten months I did it and I was proud of myself and I know I should never have started again but sometimes it takes more than one try hey? I have been back up to over a pack a day in the 18 months I have been smoking again and I suffer form panic attacks because I smoke and I have been trying to "force" myself to quit and it so hasn't worked so far. But now I am working with a plan like I did before and I am feeling good and optimistic about it. I have already stopped smoking in my car and my bedroom. I only smoke at certain times during the day and I go for long stretches in between smokes. I am working on breaking this habit slowly like I did before and I already smoke at least ten less a day than I was. It is a start and I am way more aware of my habit and what I can do to break it. I don't keep my smokes near me my lighter in different place to the smokes. My child is very proud and supportive and the people that know and understand addiction are too, and of course the ones that care for me. I haven't told many people this time as negative comments always make me depro and I don't need that now. I know that I can do it this time too and my mind is calm now that I have made a positive step towards this quit. I know I will have good & bad days I know it is hard but not impossible. I am well educated about quitting and I have all the knowledge necessary to do it again. I need support and have two quit buddies already that are routing for me. So wish me luck!!