small town lulu

Snow in Africa.............

2011-07-26T02:27:00.000-07:00

Well I haven't blogged for a very long time, life has been busy. But to wake up this morning to SNOW, in Africa SNOW and watch my son and the dogs run and play in it was awesome!

Crochet little girl's bag........

2011-03-28T06:03:00.001-07:00

This is one of my favorites it is a small bag for a little girl, I made it for a good friend's daughter for her birthday. I was very pleased with the colour combination and this bag resulted in two orders for larger versions.

Crochet peg bag

2011-03-28T05:57:00.001-07:00

I work collegue ordered a crochet peg bag she brought her 30 year old one for me to copy as she wanted the same design. It took me a while to work out the pattern I was pleased with the result and she was very pleased with her order. I am dying to make myself a new peg bag but haven't had the time yet.

Finally using my talents...........

2011-03-28T05:37:00.000-07:00

I know I have been away for a long time, I wasn't looking forward to 2011 and wasn't in the right frame of mind to blog. I have started selling some of my crocheted bags and have been kept busy doing that. It started with plastic shopping bag dispenser bags, I made myself one and then everyone I showed it to wanted one, I have decorated them either with flowers or butterfly's but my favorite is the cupcake one I made especially for Angel see image above.

They can stretch a LOT and you can fit many plastic bags in them, I am enjoying mine and it keeps them neat!

High School.........

2011-01-21T02:44:00.000-08:00

Last week was initiation week, the first day of school they made them wear their uniforms inside out and sing into the dustbins. Second day they had to dress up as "babies" as they are the brand new baby Falcons (The sports teams are called Falcons) and their mascot is a Falcon. The Friday they had to cross dress, I was not allowed to take a photo of mister in his short black skirt and pink ladies top:-(. Friday afternoon they had "boeresports" which consisted of food fights and the baby falcons being smeared with yoghurt and flour and whatever else the prefects had collected. They really enjoyed that as they could "fight" back with the Grade 12's. Friday night they slept at school, only they didn't sleep if they closed their eyes they got shaving cream and toothpaste on their faces. It was all done in good spirits and fun and was controlled. They enjoyed it. Saturday 6am initiation was officially over. From this Monday it was uniforms and school as usual.

T is surprising me, he really likes his new school he is working hard at his homework and making sure he finishes it all and has all he needs for the next day at school. He says school is much better now everyone is way more mature and there is no pettiness or nasty remarks etc. I think they are at that age now where they had outgrown primary school. What a blessing, it is early days yet but a positive start is always a good thing. FYI he looks so smart in his uniform!

I am a little out of sink going in the opposite direction than I used to in the mornings and now finding I have to change shopping centres because the one close the school is on the way. I like to do my groceries etc before work as the supermarkets open at 7am, I don't like the supermarket in this shopping centre the staff are not friendly and they don't know me etc. I have taken to going to "MY" shopping centre after work, this isnt ideal. I am a person who HATES shopping and especially when it is busy. Strange things humans?

I am almost finished my curent blanket which is a gift for the girl that looked after my house and dogs in December. Here is a picture which was taken a while ago has grown since then ok there isn't an image blogger not working properly.

We have had 194ml of rain in January so far, that is a lot of rain, my garden looks amazing, but I feel a bit guilty loving the rian like I do as so many people have suffered and lost thier homes etc.

Wishing everyone a peaceful and restful weekend!

A new post at last.........

2011-01-13T02:38:00.000-08:00

I am battling to get “started” this year, I have been back at work two weeks now and it has been very busy so far, the planning has been totally off as most of the staff are on leave now when things are busy so the few of us that are here are running around like chickens without heads. While I know in my head I must be very grateful that I have a job, the year lies ahead like a huge mountain that I have no ambition to climb. The depression monster came out to haunt me again and I have been in a rather dark place the last few days.

Having said that I have a lot to be grateful for and good things have been happening too. I got nine garden pots from a colleague who is changing his garden. I have always wanted to plant a container garden in my courtyard but didn’t really have the financial resources to go ahead, now I have the pots & can start planning my container garden. I am really looking forward to doing this. It is hard to grow flowers and herbs etc in the main garden as the hounds tend to mess up the smaller plants, in the courtyard they will be protected and the dogs cannot go there without me.

I am working on two blankets at this stage, one for the friend that stayed in my house and looked after my dogs when I went away in December and another one for my mother. Both are knee size blankets so don’t take long to do. I made almost all my own Christmas gifts this year and they were very well received. My sister in law actually cried when she opened her gift which was two hand crocheted sunburst cushion covers (cushions included). I am being encouraged to start selling my handmade items from all sides; it is one more thing I must work up to doing. Any extra income will only improve my life and make things a bit easier.

I have missed T he is coming home on Saturday finally; I am hoping that this will get me out of my rut and into full swing. I think maybe when I am back in mother mode and school starts again and one just has to deal with everything and do everything in a rush then I will get back into routine and the year will not seem so daunting to me. Having said that T starts High School next week and that is also stressing me out. He tends to be lazy at school and just cruises along, I need to push him harder and higher this year and it is a daunting task. I hope I am up to it!

Second Annual Worldwide Moment!

2010-11-10T02:46:00.000-08:00

Sunday 14 Nov 2010, please read about the worldwide movement here http://twospecialwires.blogspot.com/2010/11/second-annual-worldwide-moment.html

I crocheted some angels...........

2010-11-10T02:32:00.000-08:00

Just in time for Christmas..........my mother collects angels she has plenty, but no crocheted ones yet:-), my friend saw them and asked for a red one, she is coming over to crochet circle on Saturday to choose which one, I am keeping the tiny yellow one I think as she was my first one and the smallest. I have since added a maroon one to this family for another friend, she is having a big "switch on" party for her Christmas lights and her theme colour is maroon, she doesn't know yet :-)

Teenagers are funny...............

2010-10-28T06:49:00.000-07:00

"Mom you have to start buying the newspaper, I am growing up now I need something to read when I go to the toilet................"

mwhahahahahahahahahaha

The blanket is finished!!!

2010-10-22T02:57:00.000-07:00

I have done half my quilt and finished this blanket. I got the edging idea from attic24 THANK YOU!!!

Have you ever been so angry that.............

2010-10-08T04:46:00.000-07:00

I am so angry right now, so angry that I am calm, deadly calm. So angry that my chest feels like it is going to explode, so angry that I am having trouble breathing, I am so angry that I want to cry (I HATE this one why do I always want to cry when I get really angry?). I am so angry that thoughts of doing really dodgy things are coming into my head. I have had enough at work, I cannot go on like this anymore. I really am about to explode. My weeks leave was so amazing, I was so happy and one week back and I want to DIE..............the depression is deep and dark and I am so ANGRY!!!

Dogs make everything better!!!

2010-09-21T23:38:00.000-07:00

Day three of cutting down to quit...............

2010-09-09T06:58:00.000-07:00

I'm smoking HALF of what I used to, 50% less. I am very proud of this and today am feeling better the first two days I had hellish withdrawal headaches and was very sluggish. Today no headaches and more energy and that is only in the cutting down stage, image after the total quit how good I will feel? It is starting to stink big time, I can smell smoke on other people and I hate the smell on my fingers afterwards. My quit buddy wasn't at the office today but there are others that encourage and help and provide snacks (lol) so I had a good day all in all. So now I am almost ready to set my quit date, I haven't thought about that yet which day I am actually going to stop totally. Right now it's baby steps don't want to rush it hey!

Cutting down....................

2010-09-08T01:34:00.000-07:00

I have a 'quit" buddy this time and we work together so we are on a serious cutting down to quit drive right now. It involves stretching time between fags and helping each other and not smoking without each other so we both have to agree to smoke which is working because one or the other of us remains strong and says wait another half an hour etc. He is not in the office right now, out at a customer I NEED him to be here I need to smoke my head is aching :-(. We are allowed to smoke at 11 and again at 2, it is three hours between fags at this stage. I know that cutting down to quit works as it is the method I used last time and I do well knowing that sometime in the future I can have a smoke. It teaches you to go longer and longer without, and how to handle the cravings that come and go in between. Plus when you do smoke it tastes and smells so BAD that it starts putting you off. It's a long hard road, why I didn't stick to my last quit of 11 months I don't know because I have been down this road and I am hoping not to travel it again.

On the bright side I made two blankets last time to keep my hands busy and I am busy looking for a nice blanket pattern to crotchet for this quit too :-) Wish me luck I think this is the ONE!

Single Mothers we do exist!!!

2010-09-03T05:58:00.001-07:00

Hello I know I haven't blogged much we have been uber busy at work and life has been hectic. I now have a usb modem at home so hopefully I can blog from there and I will blog more.

Yesterday I went to get the registration forms for High School, yip my little T-bone is going to High School next year and he is looking forward to it. Mom feels kind of sad. Anyway I come back to the office and start filling in the forms, get to a certain section and now I am stumped, and a little pissed off as well. It is the same with ANY forms we need to fill in regarding our children. Said question says "status" of family.....then the child lives with .......

Both parents
Stepfather/mother
Father/Stepmother
Widower
Widow
Guardians
Divorced/lives with Father
Divorced/lives with mother
Alienated lives with father
Alienated lives with mother

Only mother passed away
Only father passed away
Both parents passed away

OK HELLO, what do I fill in? I am a single mother there are many of us, this is a fact. If you don't put single parents on forms it doesn't mean there are no single parents. I am not alienated from anyone. I made a conscious decision to raise this child on my own. His father made a decision not to get involved though he pays a smallish amount every month without fail he doesn't really have much to do with T and he only stared paying when T was about 6. T made his own decision to not have a relationship with his father at this time as he has let him down in the past, at 13 I believe he has a right to make that decision and I support it. So therefore I am a single parent I was never married to his father I am not married now. We are a family just T and myself.

Why don't schools and other institutions that require you to fill in forms recognise that single parents exist? That single parents should be on the forms? That a single parent family is totally different from a widowed, divorced, alienated or other type of family? Does this piss any other single parents off? I can't imagine that it is only me?

So now what do I do? Do I add a colum to their stupid form? Will this piss them off? I stopped filling in the form, I usually work around this thing but for some reason this particular one just got to me, there isn't even an "other" ........if there was "other" I could add it there. Is it still after all these years taboo to be a single mother? I know I have come up against some strange remarks in my 13 years of doing this and I know some people still judge single mothers in a bad way. Hey it's one of the hardest jobs on earth being a single parent, I'm proud of what I have been able to achieve in 13 years, I didn't ask for this job but I took it on and I think I am doing OK, so why the frikken hell shouldn't I be recognised by society? Why isn't there a single parent family status on the blooming form??

These boys are winners........

2010-08-06T06:47:00.000-07:00

They won a voucher to "snips" which is a bird park and pet shop etc all in one. I went and bought them lots of toys and hooves to chew. The picture was in our local weekly newspaper as pet pic of the week. Gentle giant Brutus watching tiny Spud (who is not so tiny anymore) eating his dinner, hoping he will leave some behind:-)

Hello again.......I'm still here

2010-07-21T01:47:00.000-07:00

BUMZY………..hey personalized number plates are a choice and they cost a lot of money but some of them are so “stupid” why on earth would you want your number plate to be “BUMZY”? Just a question I was driving behind bumzy this morning wondering WTF?

I haven’t blogged in ages I don’t really know why I have had a lot on my mind and a lot has happened but I have just been keeping it inside (which is basically a bad idea). I get frustrated with blogging too since I cannot leave comments on blogs because my pc goes crazy it feels like I am out of the loop right now.

The animals are all fine Spud has grown he is taller than my dachshund and almost as long, he has huge feet and knees so I am thinking he will be a medium size rather than small dog as we all thought in the beginning. He is a thug he keeps all animals and humans on their toes and he rules the roost. I guess if you a little pup and dumped in with a big ol Brutus and two other ladies you have to be a thug.

Like MOMCAT I too have revived my love of knitting and crocheting and have done many projects since I started up again in April, I have made a crochet baby blanket, a knitted cabled hoody and mittens for the same baby. I knitted a dogs jersey for a friend who got a new jack Russell puppy. I knitted myself a sleeveless cardigan in lilac which everyone says is lovely, I have made my mom an aran cardigan and am busy knitting my niece one in dirty pink. I also made a new hot water bottle cover. So have been ultra busy. I have a few new patterns that I want to make for myself so I am all set for next winter. My parents have also asked me to knit some children’s jerseys for their church project for next winter. I am also knitting a blanket with squares that have owls cabled into them in the middle. I couldn’t believe it when I found the pattern. So each time I finish a back or front or sleeve I take a jersey break and make a square. The pic is of the baby blanket while I was still working it all together, it is a rather big one and the friend I made it for was thrilled!

I received two black rubbish bags full of wool from a friend’s mother. This friend has just passed away she had brain cancer she was 44. It is so sad she knitted all the time and her mother gave my mother and I the wool in June. She had plenty packed away in her cupboards. So I am often thinking of her when I use the wool from her stock pile and like to think it makes her smile……………

Our new baby.............

2010-06-07T06:16:00.001-07:00

This is Spud (named after the Spud books) and he is seven weeks old, he has been with us for two weeks now. He was tied with a chain to the tar road and was sitting in the middle of the road where he nearly got run over. His rescuer was going to take him to the SPCA, but when I saw him I couldn't leave him. He is a cross dachshund according to the vet, but he is bigger than that so I hope he isn't too huge in the end. The day we got him he went for injections and deworming and he weighed 1.2kg's, he was skinny and he has mange, which is clearing up nicely and didn't spread around the family thank goodness. He has disrupted our lives totally he wakes in the night to go out, he eats like crazy he plays really rough and our hands are full of scratches, he is gorgeous. When he wants to sleep he cuddles up to you like a baby (and he is a baby after all) and sighs that puppy sigh and sleeps for ages. Today was his first day outside with the other dogs while we were at work and school, he was was happier staying with them and we were glad to see all was well when we got home. He shouted the loudest of all four when we returned at lunch time after school. So yeah I'm a sucker but man he is so cute................

Leave, epilepsy etc

2010-04-12T05:27:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I posted. A lot of things are happening right now but I have not really been up to writing about them. I was on leave for a week it was amazing to be away from the office and spend time with T. We got on so well and did so much together and around the house and garden. Of course the dogs thought it was wonderful having us at home all day every day :-). On Sunday 4 April our Brutus collapsed he just fell over and was shaking and wet himself. I was terrified I didn't know what was happening and I really thought he was dying. He got up after two minutes and he was fine. I rushed to phone the vet who explained that it is "normal" ( his word) epilepsy and to mark it on the calendar and see when it next occurs as they don't treat it if it's once a month for example. Well it happened three times on Sunday so we took him to the vet on Sunday afternoon. He is on medication and only had one seizure since then which the vet said might happen until the meds stabilize him. We have to take him off the meds after fourteen days and see when he has another seizure. Now that I know what it is and I have researched it and I understand it is ok, but that first time was so dreadful T and I shook like crazy we were so terrified and traumatized! Brutus is fine now he loves having his meds at 6 and 6 disguised in various ways and he is as alert protective and loving as usual!

Piano cats............

2010-03-19T03:30:00.000-07:00

NOTE TO PETS............

2010-03-11T19:57:00.000-08:00

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture..
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't smoke or drink,
(7) don't want to wear your clothes,
(8) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ....

Comments.............

2010-03-01T03:12:00.000-08:00

Guys please don't think I am rude, I can't comment on your blogs because my PC has become dodgy once again, I will post a comment then it opens about 40 - 60 web pages and goes nuts....don't know why it is doing this, but I don't like to even try commenting anymore. Martha and Bailey I really loved the Wilfred post!! Wish I had a Wilfred he is awesome!! xxx

Cute..........

2010-02-25T01:41:00.001-08:00

Child in mourning.............

2010-02-10T02:16:00.000-08:00

My child is devastated two of his closest friends (twin brothers) in his class at school were burnt to death in the orphanage fire Tuesday morning. He is so brave so grown up but so little, what a hard life lesson to learn when you have just turned 13. He has been friends with them since Grade 4 . My life lesson is this when your child is hurting like this you can't "fix" it. If they fall down and get hurt you can do something to let it heal, this you cannot fix, even though with my whole being I wish I could make it better I can't. It is very sore to hurt for your child and feel his pain and not be able to take it away. He has learnt a lot this week about grief and anger etc. The school was very proactive and they got a pastor to come and council the class and that he said made him feel better. He talks about J & J at times and at other times he doesn't want too. All in all he is doing well and he asks questions etc and he and his class mates chat a lot about it on mxit and at school, they are supporting one another which is great. I'm sorry T that this happened and I'm sorry for the twins and their little sister and all the other burn victims. My heart goes out to the orphans who survived the fire and to the twins mother who lost three children all at once. RIP J & J & N..............

It's offical..................teenager in the house........

2010-02-08T05:00:00.000-08:00

It’s official, I am no longer just a single mom, I am a single mom to a teenager. My “baby” is thirteen today, and it went so fast. Everyone says it does but it sounds like a cliché, genuinely it flew. I miss the little “t” that tiny boy that could fit in a bucket, that couldn’t reach the kitchen counters, that could sit on my lap and watch tv or read a book. The little fellow that said “comfstable” instead of comfortable and used his “cumberella” when it rained. He always never used the wrong words after I told him the right ones so sometimes I didn’t tell him for a while :-). If these thirteen years went so fast how fast are the next five going to be to 18 and then 21? It is somewhat scary to think about it…………Happy Birthday T..........

sub woofers..............lol

2010-01-28T03:58:00.000-08:00

Chocolate?...............awwwwwwwww

2010-01-25T02:25:00.000-08:00

Tag...............

2010-01-21T04:19:00.000-08:00

I was tagged by Angel so let me have a go: I’m not going to tag anyone….use it if you wish.

Opening…
Do you get regular massages? No, but I GIVE them and I have been told I am in the wrong profession :-)
Do you have an answering machine? I don’t have a land line
What cuss word do you use the most? “crap” is a favorite, I swear a bit too much when I am driving…..then it is a lot of “f” words…………and at work……
Are you underweight or overweight? Over…
Can you see your veins? Yeah

Favourite…
Soap? Sunlight baby soap…..
Fruit? Banana’s
Kind of red meat? T bone steak and lamb loin chops (I love the fat on them)
Fish? Haddock
Candy bar? I favour dark chocolate

Have You Ever…
Eaten a whole bag of potato chips? Nah only small ones
Eaten lobster? Yes
Climbed a mountain? Yes in the Drakensberg
Been skydiving? No
Been water skiing? Yes, what a thrill

Do You…
Wish you could change something about your life? Yes I do, my current favorite change would be to go back to the city and get my career back on track as I am at a dead end now……I’m working on it.
Like your nose? It’s ok I don’t dislike it
Like salt and vinegar chips? Yeah
Eat salsa? Yes not often
Own a boat? Nope might be nice though

What Is…
A small thing that people let slide but that actually has dire consequences? Manners…..actually they are kind of a big thing to me, I hate it when people are rude or they interrupt etc.
Your most macho trait? I have many, being a single mom with a son and my own place I have to have them. I do my own DIY mostly, I’m pretty strong, I can drink beer like a man :-)
The longest relationship you’ve ever had? 5 years with a person who until two months ago was STILL getting to me, but I woke up one day and decided that he was mostly likely the reason I had to move so far away and I am OVER him so I deleted everything off MXIT email cell …………..it was a positive step towards the “new” me………..
Your most embarrassing thoughts? Ha ha the most private ones no doubt………….
Your most shameful moment? ONE was being stopped by a rather cute traffic cop one night, I was in the back of the car and XXXXXX was driving, he went off for something and I said “hey xxxxx he’s cute lets take him home and f… him”……………….he cleared his throat was standing just outside my drunken vision…………..but we didn’t get a ticket or anything. Or haven’t I used this in another tag? O well it was shameful!

This/That…
Bath/Shower? Shower
Markers/ Crayons? Markers
Pens/ Pencils? Both
Jelly/ Cream Cheese? Both
Bagel/ Toast? Toast

Finish…
My greatest weakness is… I guess my addiction to smoking….
I wish I was… Back in the city……………
Three things I wouldn’t do for a million dollars are… Murder (though it may be tempting depending on WHO was to be murdered…), ummmm bungi jump cos I would have a heart attack and die before I got the million dollars…….like Angel I wouldn’t sell my kid (though at times that might be tempting too)
The oddest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth is… I chew on all sorts of things all the time, pens, paper clips, the scoobie on my keyring… always got something strange in my mouth…..actually this is a dodgy trait

Firsts…
Credit card you had? Mastercard
Loan you got was for? From the bank to buy my first car
Paycheck was for how much? Not much less than 1000 bucks
Time you had stitches? When I tore the ligaments in my left ankle clean off………….
Time you went to the hospital for something? Wisdom teeth

Lasts…
List everything you ate in the last 24 hours? Toast and peanut butter, two banana’s, two chicken breast fillets, a boiled egg, some crackers and cheese, a rusk, salad
Last thing you used a credit card for? Don’t know I gave it up, o maybe Brutus’ kennel
What was your job previous to the one you have now? I was a call centre Supervisor
Last thing you celebrated? My son coming home after three weeks away…..
Last time you were at a sports bar? Long time ago, the Australian cricket team was over here some of them were in there too was a lekker party……………

Work sucks!!

2010-01-20T00:05:00.000-08:00

We all get turns here. It is a horrible place to work for the atmosphere sucks big time and there is always drama, bad vibes and bullshit! Today it is one of my friends; he is the colleague that organized Brutus for me. He was so angry at the way he was treated and threatened that he was pail and shaking. I haven’t seen somebody this angry in a very long time. I feel so bad for him and I know exactly how he feels.

This kind of thing happens all the time here, certain staff members get away with murder and others are picked on. Last week the technical supervisor was taken to task and the problem is that the people doing it all are the ones in positions of “power” but they don’t have all the facts and they just go off at the deep end and upset everyone for nothing.

Bad planning bad leadership and unfair treatment what a load of fucking bullshit this is! I try not to swear on my blog (don’t know why really) but FUCK I am so angry and really tired of it all. I find it childish and unnecessary and I think that this branch is going to start doing really badly soon if this carries on. I don’t know anyone that is happy here (o maybe a few but they are not the majority).

As I said I have “new” things for myself this year, so far I have tried very hard to distance myself from all the drama but they sometimes make it personal. This time I have stood up for my colleague and I guess I am going to “get it” for that too.

Just another shit day in Africa hey!!

Loads of time to think....................

2010-01-14T05:10:00.000-08:00

T was away for three and a half weeks, that is a long time! I had plenty of time to think, about my life about my career (that isn't one anymore) and a lot of other things. I didn't go and join my family this Christmas, I stayed and looked after my dogs and house and did all sorts of things that you don't get a chance to do during the working year. It was lonely at times, but I needed this time and I have come out the other side wiser and happier and with some good future plans. I had a lot of rotten things happen to me in the last two years, and I guess in a way I was attracting some of this by sinking into despair and loosing "myself" along the way. I don't necessarily believe that a new year means a new start, but I know I feel new. Though having said that it started before 31.12.2009.

T has come back a little "new" too, I think it was hard for him to have Christmas without me he said it wasn't as exciting shame, he has been way more helpful and also seems to have matured a lot. He didn't want to go back to school but has enjoyed it so far and has been very positive!

No resolutions just goals and plans and my motto for 2010: "Every day in ever way things gets better and better"..................I affirm and visualize the things I want and I say this over and over. I am back on track and I am using my mind and attracting good things instead of bad.

Last Post for 2009...........

2009-12-17T23:57:00.000-08:00

This is for all my blog friends...........until we meet again next year! I am going on leave today YAY!!

My Christmas wish for you

is not a simple one

for I wish you hope and joy and peace

days filled with warmth and sun

I wish you love and friendship too

throughout the coming year

Lots of laughter and happiness

to fill your world with cheer

May you count your blessings, one by one

and when totalled by the lot

May you find all you've been given
much more than what you sought

May your journeys be short, your burdens light

may your spirit never grow old

may all your clouds have silver linings

and your rainbows pots of gold

I wish you all this and so much more

May all your dreams come true

May you have a wonderful Christmas

And a happy New Year, too ...

May the Good and merciful Lord bless you and keep you safe as you enter 2010!

Animal humour...........

2009-11-30T01:58:00.000-08:00

he he he ...................

2009-11-26T21:53:00.000-08:00

I think this is so funny! Stock take today and Monday so hectic for me! Hope you all have a wondeful weekend!

I got an award.........

2009-11-25T02:09:00.001-08:00

I got this award from "momcat" at truth is stranger then fiction, a very wise and wonderful blogging friend! Thank you so much!

The rules are if you accept the award you need to list six things that people don't know about you and pass it on to six other bloggers.

1. I suffer from insomnia I can go for two weeks or more where I don't sleep for more than two hours a night. I don't like taking tablets to make me sleep, I only do when I'm desperate. It comes and goes in stages, but it is my obsessive thinking about everything that keeps me from falling asleep.

2. I adore my animals I never feel lonely with them around and I always have a dog under foot or on the couch next to me or on my lap. I'd rather be at home with them than anywhere else in the world.

3. I HATE shopping and shopping malls, yeah go figure not a "normal" woman :-)

4. I can knit, I knit very well my mother taught me when I was very young. I knit the most gorgeous aran style Jerseys, fair isle anything and people think it is only for "grannies"....I have even done a tapestry.....

5. I read A LOT always got a book on the go and I prefer reading to watching TV, I also like to pay PC games and can do so for hours, but I like the mind puzzling type of games not action or shooting like T.

I'm going to award this to the following bloggers:

Step Mommy - I have met her in real life she is the sister of a good friend of mine, she is an amazing person and a very "gorgeous"blogger

Dachshund Tails - read the blog what an amazing person!

Martha & Bailey's Mom - sorry girls this award is for your mom but you two are gorgeous too!!

Blue Monday............

2009-11-16T23:48:00.000-08:00

We learnt Math all weekend, T and I rarely do homework or learning together, he does it on his own and so far he has done alright at school so I don’t get involved. But he was worried about Math and said he just doesn’t “get it”, they were writing on fractions and angles, funny how it all comes back to you once you start learning it again. He eventually said “I’m really getting it now”….what a relief.

So all prepared for the exam and ready to go we get into the car and it is dead as a doornail. Bloody hell, it is pouring with rain we have 15 minutes to get T to school and the battery finally decided that’s it. I phoned our driver from work, he lives on the other side of town and he rushed over, T was only 5 minutes late which wasn’t a problem as they learn first and write later in the day. This is a bad month financially for me and there I am at work with no money and a dead car. My dear brother deposited money into my account around 12 and I set off with one of the technicians to draw the money and get the car sorted. The ATM gave my card back and said ‘take your cash” it kept saying that (or rather displaying it on the screen J ) but no cash came out. Eventually after standing there and phoning the bank too scared to leave the machine it shut down totally and displayed “this machine is out of service”, I tried the next one but the money was off my account already even though I didn’t get a cent. I had to go to the branch to fill in a claim, only to be told it is a “remote” ATM and it takes up to FIFTEEN business days to get the money back. I was floored, we went home and “kick” started the car pushing it down the drive way, I fetched T from school kept the car running all the time and drove to the battery place. I walked back to work from there and borrowed the R500.00 to replace the battery. All this time it is pouring with rain, I really had a bad Monday and I am now stuck with no money & I am really pissed………………….I really am thinking that I was a very bad person in a past life as the shit just never ends, I was so relieved when my bro gave me the money and only to have shit once again? Do curses really exist?

One more makes 34..............

2009-11-11T23:45:00.000-08:00

The bokmakierie is very vocal around my area but I hadn't seen him until this morning. I was marching across the lawn to fill the bird bath and the dogs water and there he was under the trees next to my clivias. I came to a dead halt and just enjoyed him. it was a great sighting as he was so close and he stayed a while before flying off. This isn't my photo but one I got off the net, what an amazing start to the day!

Blasts from the past.................

2009-11-10T05:31:00.000-08:00

I know with technology and things like face book, MXIT etc these days it is not unusual to find a lot of your old friends and colleagues. I have located or been located by a lot of people and in some cases people that I was very close to at one or other stage of my life. What does surprise me at times is how much I have missed of their lives and how close we still can be. There are three people in particular that I went to school with, one from Grade one to Grade twelve, and two others in High School only. I have chatted to a lot of old school friends etc over the years and we send a few lines say hi and that is that. But these three special people and I have reconnected and we talk a lot and often and we really share. These are people I grew up with that knew me when I was a kid, and a teenager. We are from all over the world now but our worlds met when we were MUCH younger and now we are catching up on each others lives. It is amazing how much we know about each other but how little. How our lives are all so different but we started in the same place at one stage or another, the memories, the children we have, the tragedies, the triumph's the photos. It is an amazing journey and I am really enjoying it, one D was my best friend for years at school I still have our grade one class photo and many other class photos all the way up to grade 12 (except for 7 & 8 when I was in boarding school) we had sleep overs we rode horses together our parents and siblings knew each other. One B was my best friend in boarding school and we lost contact when I left. The other one was my BF in grade 11, not for long when you are 15 these things don't always last. I want to thank each of you for being back in my life for the laughs we had and still have, for the sharing and caring! I wonder if the universe knows when we need people to come back into our lives for whatever reason? It sure has made me feel good! I spent an hour and a half on MXIT last night chatting to an ex colleague that I was also pretty close too, thanks to him too! It means a lot to know that so many people care and think about me it makes these creeps here at work seem very unimportant and insignificant! Finally thank you to my blogging friends the ones I have never met and the ones that were my friends already! Your caring support and great advice means a whole lot to me! Technology can be a wonderful thing!!

Long time..no post

2009-11-09T05:39:00.000-08:00

I worked hard this weekend I did a six and half hour stint on Saturday cleaning and mowing the lawn. I don't "spring" clean every weekend or I would never get time out, I sweep and dust and tidy, but once a month I really go all out and this last weekend was that weekend. It takes it's toll on my dodgy back but it is rewarding never the less and I always feel so good afterwards. I also took some advice that I heard about and went "shopping" in my own home. The decorator was mentioning in these hard times, dress up take your purse and walk around your own home. Picture your treasures and furniture in other locations swap lamps etc. Make changes with your own belongings and give a room a revamp at no cost. Wow what great advice I made some changes in my lounge and my bedroom and the TV lounge. It has made such a difference and I know I will do it again. I am always moving my furniture around that part is nothing new to me, but this time I went deeper into it and it was so much fun. I also think it was good therapy and as the saying goes a change is as good as a holiday.

The garden is coming on really nicely now, I don't know if I ever mentioned that the owners ripped everything out and left me with bare flower beds and only large trees and shrubs. I have been there 8 months now & things are starting to really take off after all the rain. I have flowers and ground covers and a gorgeous lavender bush that my parents bought me, my two baby hydrangeas are flowering, little blooms but flowers never the less, can't wait for them to open. The aggies are also flowering one popped it's bud this weekend.

Last weekend there was a spotted dikkop in my garden( see picture above), they are not common in gardens and it was so exciting. My garden bird list is up to 33 species now and I need to post it here soon. I feed the wild birds every day and many species come only to drink & bath in the bird bath. One of my favorite things is to watch a bird bathing it is so peaceful. My parents who are avid bird watchers and even did a University course on bird watching think it is very amusing that I am so "into" it now. I am not one to go out birding actually I get impatient etc, but bird watching in my own garden is awesome.

This is just not healthy...........

2009-10-25T22:44:00.000-07:00

It isn't healthy to smoke, which I took up again since being here, it isn't healthy to drink too much, which I have been doing lately. It also isn't healthy to over eat and eat the wrong things which I have also been doing. Well the results speak for themselves, I'm nice a "chubby" ha ha right fat actually, I am tired all the time and I can't go for two hours without a smoke and I want to climb the walls, though I do force it at times for up to 12 hours at a time.

It also isn't healthy to want to "cry" on a Monday morning because I have to come to work? WTF? I am a big grown up person and I could really just bawl when I have to come here, especially Monday's.

First thing is no more alcohol for a bit because if I have it I have too much, I sleep very well afterwards but it is very fattening and unhealthy! So I'm going on weighless from tomorrow (we get paid today so I can stock up on the right foods). T is joining me so I am sure we will do it! Secondly I am starting to "delay" my fags for as long as I can in between so I can slowly wean myself off like I did 3 years ago. I know that I can't do it all at once, diet, quit booze and fags, but I can start off slowly and take it from there. I am thinking that if I start loosing weight and feeling better about myself I will focus on that and the work situation won't be so bad. I have allowed it to get out of hand, and I need to focus more on my LIFE than my job right now.

wish me luck!!

I'm NARFI.........(no ambition f*ck all interest)

2009-10-22T22:44:00.000-07:00

I have got to a stage at work where I'm kind of on "strike" I am merely doing what is in my job description and no more. It isn't like me to be this way and having always been in management up until now I don't like it in other people either. But I go more than the extra mile and I get treated the worst, I know it is jealousy and envy and a lot of things, it usually doesn't bother me because I like to be busy and to use the brains I have been blessed with. But I am frankly "gatvol" (fed up) and since yesterday morning I have taken life very easy at work. I have even said "I don't know" when asked for help, one person commented that he has NEVER heard me say that before. Actually I did know but they getting paid to know and solve and do it so why should I do it? It annoys me that I know more than the managers and have to keep helping them (and they don't make this public knowledge). Behind closed doors they thank me and have even rewarded me with performance bonuses etc. But the rest of the staff don't get to know about it, I am doing the job I want the recognition FFS!! In public they treat me like the other staff members that do just enough to get by, that isn't fair. In actual fact I am often treated the worst and I think it is there way of "putting me in my place" for knowing more and because I am a threat to them? It is an odd contrast to be phoned by a Branch Manager or a Head Office Manager and be treated with respect and as an equal and then sit here all day and be treated like a frikken skivvy. I have even been made the SAP SME (subject matter expert) for my region and they never told a soul or acknowledged this at all.

It has lead to hours of unhappiness and even tears of frustration, I have no respect for these people anymore. I am beyond frustrated and upset. I am loosing my mind and I am drinking too much and eating too much and driving myslef crazy. I know I know get another job, in this small town and economic climate it is nearly impossible to do so. I need to earn what I am earning now, I did go for one interview for a decent position and salary at the opposition, the bastards follwed me and f*cked it up for me. Somebody that used to work here works there now and they called up an told my boss that I was going? WTF?

This is kind of scary for me because it goes against my nature and my ambition for the future. I would gladly go back to Gauteng given half a chance but T doesn't want to go and next year is his last year in Junior School, so I am stuck here.

So I have had a lazy day, I have been collecting money as the debtor's lady is on maternity leave on top of my job I have brought the debtors days down by TEN and collected a lot of old money, but what happens I get treated like crap. So today I am not doing a dam thing. They even gave me an assistant for the last two weeks (after I have been doing three people's jobs for 3 months already) and he isn't even here he went to lunch nearly two hours ago and we only get half an hour...............I rest my case...................

O and in case you might think I am jeapodising my chances I have been promised a promotion THREE times over the last two years and it has never happened,...............so I doubt it!!

My dogs...........

2009-10-08T07:08:00.001-07:00

My garden

2009-10-08T06:59:00.000-07:00

The yesterday today and tomorrow is gorgeous right now, I took this photo over the weekend but since then many more buds have opened the lilac ones and even a few of the almost white ones are out now, you can hardly put a pin between the flowers and there are still a lot of buds on it! YAY! I can smell it in my bedroom at night and it is one of my favorite ones. I always said one day when I'm "big" I want one in my garden.......there you have it I am blessed in so many ways:

Priorities...........

2009-10-02T02:12:00.000-07:00

As Momcat and Brigitte pointed out to me my priorities are starting to change and for the better! I have made good progress this week with my new resolve to give only so much to my job and way MORE to my life itself. I am way more relaxed having so much extra time at home (and those of you who know me well will know that is the place I'd rather be most in the world). I even managed to do half my house work already leaving way more gardening and relaxing time over for the weekend.

It hasn't stopped raining the entire week, the new plants I planted last Sunday are all looking great and my timing for that was excellent. I also tried growing a hydrangea from a slip for the first time ever, I am growing it in a pot of potting soil to give it a good head start, this little plant has taken off so, it has new leaves and shoots already and has doubled in size and that in two weeks. I am so proud of that one. My father brought me some baby clivias and ground covers when I took T last week and those are all happy as Larry after the rain. He is bringing me some more on Sunday when I got and fetch T so I am really filling my garden up now which is excellent. I love my garden and I spend a lot of time there, with my three dogs and the half grown boerboel from next door, the minute he sees me in the garden he peeks over the wall for his daily share of the "love". I have a bird bath and two feeders and we have recorded over 30 species in our garden alone. If I get up a bit late my pair of resident sparrows and the one solitary Cape Weaver shout at me until I get up and fill the feeders. Once they have got me out to do so the other birds all arrive, I spend a lot of early mornings drinking my coffee in the garden watching the birds.

Last night I went out to supper, BIG treat for a single mom, a good friend treated me, but we were disappointed as the food was awful. But the vodka was good and the company so it was a nice evening. I am tired today though and so glad it is weekend. I am only going to fetch T on Sunday so I am having my last day of freedom tomorrow and if the weather has cleared up it will be a gardening day for me as the grass and weeds have grown very well too in the last week.

Hope you all have a great weekend!!

The week that was...........or almost YAY!!

2009-10-01T06:33:00.000-07:00

It has been rather a quiet week at work as the schools are closed and a major chuck of our client base is government schools, so when they close we take a break. I had a terrible Monday I got so angry at my boss that I went home and bawled my eyes out, much to the dismay of my three dogs who all cuddled up to me and comforted me as much as they could. It was pure anger and frustration and it was like something "snapped" inside my head. A colleague who was also angry as she had been treated badly too came around and we had a few glasses of wine and commiserated with each other.

We soon cheered up and decided to start ourselves a "supper club", well if two women a BF and a kiddo can be called a club :-). We are going to cook a nice meal once a month, choosing different recipes each time and sharing ones with each other, this way we learn new recipes and we get to have fun doing it. We are very excited and our first "supper club" is next Friday! We all get on well and have a good time when we together so it is something to look forward to!

Tonight I am being treated to supper out by another friend that I have know since we were in high school together. Her other half has gone out of the country for ten days so it's girl time with T being away too. I am looking forward to it!!

Most of the week I have been helping two of our technicians write their online technical exams, it is my sharp eye and quick brain that helps, it is self paced learning with manuals to refer to, but has to be done within a time frame and you have to get 70 - 80% to pass depending on the test. I have amazed the guys already, yesterday a technician and I attempted what they all said was the most difficult test of all and we passed!! YAY for me!! My technical knowledge and IT knowledge has sky rocketed and I am actually very proud of ME!!

On Saturday night a friend and I are having a braai at my place and on Sunday I am doing my 360km round trip to fetch Mister T so he can go back to school on Monday.

A bonus and plus to my head "snapping" on Monday is I have decided to now treat work like a "job" for now, it isn't my "life" it is a "job", so I have been coming in at the proper starting time not half an hour earlier and I leave promptly when it is time to go, I used to work from early to late and go way more than the extra mile. Now I do what I can in the eight hours and what I can't I leave for the next day. I know it is easier this week because we are quiet, but after that who can tell? All I know is I am no longer prepared to work way harder than most and so much over time yet get treated like sh*t. I have returned my office keys as I am no longer prepared to wait for the truck if it is late etc. I am a single mother my priority is my child so now I am doing the right thing and putting him first. My work ethic's wont change I will work hard and use my knowledge and experience and they will have my total commitment between 8 and 430, that is where it will end. I have NEVER felt like this is or done this before I always give a lot to my career and job, but what happened was the final straw. This morning I even got time to clean my kitchen before work and if I can do a little housework every morning I can rest more on the weekends YAY!!

Sleepless nights.............

2009-09-22T22:46:00.000-07:00

I have never slept well since I was 11, I have a terribly active mind and I just cannot fall asleep, the result is I spend most of my life tired, o well I am pretty much used to it at this stage but dammit I want to sleep and haven't slept since Saturday night. I have slept on and off but two hour stretches at a time don't really work and last night I had "nightmares" and guess what about? This dam woman here! I'm so proud and I stand up and fight for once and now I have bad dreams? Dreams about her finding out really personal stuff about me and telling people and bribing me etc. Holy cow! I need help dudes!! he he he. O well it will pass I am sure.

BTW I do have medication to help me fall asleep but that often plays on my mind too and then I imagine that I never wake up or that something happens I don't hear it. Which is a load of BS cos the meds simply help me doze off I wake up if there is a noise or T needs me or anything like that and it doesn't make me drowsy, but I am able to fall asleep again if need be and I sleep well. Plus I only take HALF the dosage but what to do about a slightly sick mind hey?

Tomorrow I have a two hour drive to take T half way to my parents (well 40km over half way) and then back again. Boy do I need to sleep tonight! Wish me luck.

I am looking forward to the break, this is my bonus for living far from my family I don't get a break during term time and I don't have back up at hand BUT I get all the school holidays off and while that might sound harsh, a single mom can always do with a break! This morning was a bad start for me cos T didn't go to school but got up extra early and disturbed that holy morning peace that is so important, between him and the dogs running around and playing and making a noise it has made me more tired :-).

So I found my "balls" today..............

2009-09-22T05:10:00.000-07:00

I am so proud of myself I stuck up for "me" for once in my life and in a mature and rational manner. I have been at this branch for two years and two months. There is a woman here that has back stabbed and picked on me since the day I got here. She is so bad that the previous Branch Manager even told the MD of the company how badly she treats me. Well I tried long and hard and we came to a working relationship, but this woman gossips about everyone behind their backs and I happened to find out that she was still doing it to me. I don't generally mix much at work, I keep it to business mostly and I keep to myself (this causes people to gossip I know), anyway she sent a rude email to my boss about me and copied me. He called us both into the Branch Managers office and I let them have it. In a cool extra polite manner I explained that I was tired of being spoken about as she doesn't even know me and she has no right to talk about me. I said I was perfectly willing to be polite and business like at work and not allow this to interfere with the working environment but I would have nothing further to do with her except business. I also said she must get out of my face and leave me alone and did not want to hear that she has been talking about me ever again. She tried to deny it half heatedly but I argued that she talks about everyone including me and she kept quiet after that. Both managers called me afterwards and said I did the right thing and it was about time I stuck up for myself.

This might sound like a childish post or a stupid one. But here is the thing, I don't like confrontation & I don't like office gossip, I don't mix at work for that reason. I work very hard and I am very busy I don't even have time for this kind of rubbish. Plus I am mature and intelligent and have a life so I don't need to worry about what others are doing in theirs. I have NEVER stuck up for myself like this before I usually get all upset and stay in my office and calm down, I allow people to walk over me. Not only at work but in other situations too. Today was a MILESTONE in my life. I felt so good afterwards I was shaking with rage, but nobody saw I was angry; I was calm and polite and professional. I have had enough of this BS!!!

12 - stolen from Angel (thanks mate)

2009-09-18T01:28:00.000-07:00

1. want: it to be next Friday for various reasons

2. need: to leave the past behind

3. thankful for: my home my family and my friends old and new

4. thinking: I shouldn’t let people hurt or upset me but I keep allowing it???

5. quote: “if you want something you have never had you need to do something you have never done” – Dr Phil

6. watching: my pc screen?

7. lacking: MONEY glory it’s been a long month

8. listening: the rain at last it is raining been awfully hot and humid lately

9. responding: to my colleagues that are making a potjie for lunch, sounds good to me

10. planning: my weekend

11. am: really tired, have taken on extra responsibilities at work and I am so busy it is scary

12. not: emailing my boss my thoughts on some changes being made that he asked me about yesterday OOPS!

School projects...........

2009-09-10T22:51:00.000-07:00

T has had a lot of projects this term and we have learnt some interesting things. As I am sure other mom's understand the schools keep giving projects, but a lot of the research and picture printing etc lands on the parent's already full plates. Lucky for me I work for an office automation company so I can scan and print and do whatever I need to at the office. I have Internet access too so it is relatively easy for us to help with these projects, but I do wonder how parents cope that don't have all these benefits?

Today T handed in his project on Tibetan Sky Burials: they had to do a project on rituals or traditions. The sky burial is an interesting one where the body is cut up and the bones smashed and mixed with barley flour then fed to vultures. The Tibetans believe that the birds are angel's and aid the passage of the soul to heaven. I know to some it will sound gross but we found it interesting. But apart from printing some pictures (which are not easily obtained as photography is not encouraged at these burials) and some information I left him to do it. T always does his own projects and he types the information in his own words saves it on his memory stick and I print it for him at work.

BUT..............

A lot of projects are so obviously done by the parents. There is a special section of marks for "own" work and i wonder how these projects are marked? it seems unfair to compare the work of a 12 year old to the work of a 35 - 40 year old parent? Last Friday the grade 6's had entrepreneurs day at school. We were encouraged to accompany them and help them at their stalls etc. I had some business to do at the bank etc so I took a days leave. T and I made chocolate covered marsh mellows and a LOT of water balloons. We also sold cold drink. My child worked hard, he filled ALL the balloons himself, he stood over a pot of melting chocolate and covered his marsh mellows and added sprinkles. We had a simple table with a cloth and sold most of our things. But glory it was an experience, while some other children also had simple stalls and sold simple things, a LOT of the stalls were run by the parents. They were set up like shops & sold expensive and fancy things, they had huge banners and chocolate fountains and were totaly overboard. I can't even begin to explain the contrast between the two sets of children. The ones with fancy shop like stalls were not even selling their own things rather running all over the place while "mommy" did it. T sold his own things and he even worked around the school hawking his wares as did a lot of other children. Now tell me HOW are the teachers going to mark that little exercise?? Who is going to get better marks? The kids that did their OWN stalls and made their OWN things to sell or the others??

Awards..........wow two

2009-08-26T05:59:00.000-07:00

I was given the above award by Angel for being a friend as well as a fellow blogger thank you and right back at you!

This is the "satin" award from Martha & Baliey's blog.........The rules are: List 5 details (things, people, features) that make your life “satin” (translates also as “shiny” or “good”). Pass on to 5 other bloggers, I don't know that I have five to pass it on to, but hey grab it and do it if you dare!

1. My son, he makes my life "satin" ................................

2. My animals Abigail, Shadow, Brutus, Thomas (now and then when he is home) and my fish.

3. My family and friends (including my blog friends!).

4. My house I love my home I like to speand a lot of time there.

5. My job, not because I like it but because I have one and I am grateful for that in these trying times :-)

Rabies injection day............

2009-08-19T04:31:00.000-07:00

Today is rabies injection day in our area, in Kwazulu Natal SA dogs have to have rabies injections once a year and they are given free of charge by the state vets. They go around to the houses or you can take them to various points to be injected.

Well when the guy dropped Brutus off at my house, he told me the dog won’t have a collar or anything around his neck, he won’t go in the car and he is just an outside “dog”. I was taken aback by this because I don’t treat my dogs like “things” but like part of the family. It was too late to say take him back because he was there already and I couldn’t bare to send him back to his old crappy life. So I put that in the back of my mind and let him into our home and family. He is walking on a leash already he has a cute collar and leash and he follows his little sisters lead and copies them, even T can walk him now. He wouldn’t even let us put a piece of material or anything on his neck at first. He takes a bath the first one was hectic but now he stands in the courtyard and I wash him with warm water and rinse him and he is fine.

He doesn’t like strangers and he is very protective over home and family, I know because two of my visitors have spoken to me over my wall and he has given a warning growl, not tried to bight or anything but just a warning “I’m on guard”, once a person is welcomed into the house and garden he is fine with them. I have also never taken him in the car. So I go home about 10.30 to take this lot to the state vet, open the back door in jumps Mister Brutus, he sat up straight like a human and looked out of the window, he was very excited, but he sat still and off we went little girls in the front seat.

Is he going to bight the poor state vet? That was on my mind all last night because of said warning growls etc. He was a star, he copied his sisters and took his jab (don’t think he even knew he got it) and off we went home, no problem. I originally asked the guy that brought him to me to go with me for this episode as Brutus knows him and I thought he could help me, he had a few dumb excuses, and then he said what time? Then I don’t know because when I brought him to you he didn’t want to get in my bakkie a whole wagon load of bullshit. So I just went ahead alone and did it. I am so proud of myself & my dogs and how much Brutus has changed since we have had him. Just goes to show that they respond to kindness and good treatment!

My one friend always says I’m a dog whisperer……………maybe she is right.

I'm ready for change.............

2009-08-04T03:03:00.000-07:00

I have thought long and hard about the last two years and the direction my life has been taking. I was always somewhat career driven and have for most of my career been in management roles which makes this current position somewhat hard to swallow. Not that I am a snob or that I mind being an a "level" with other people I just can't think like a normal employee I think like a supervisor and it doesn't make me popular with the management or the staff. I am professional at work I work hard I find ways to improve things, I change systems etc if they need changing. All the while the managers are taking the credit.

So where to from here? I have been promised a lot of things that never happen, I guess in a way it is my own fault because I assume the roles and do the things even though I don't have the position, I do more than my job spec because I like things to rum smoothly and because I can and know how to. Basically I am being exploited and because I have never been very good at sticking up for myself or selling my strong points I have allowed it to happen.

I am on a big drive to further my career and am applying for positions all over the country I am willing to relocate if I have to in order to get back on track. I have had some really positive calls and feedback and it is boosting my confidence and making me realise that their is life after xxxxxx (my employer). I know times are tough right now but I also know no matter how long it takes this will happen for me and I will get the opportunity I am looking for.

Basically I love small town life but I am not satisfied with my job and career. If I have to give up the life style to get my career back on track I am willing to do so. I wasn't at first but I am now, maybe I can have both, maybe I can't but now I have another option and I am going for it!

More petty crime..............

2009-08-03T01:41:00.001-07:00

It was a very wet weekend, T's school had a carnival which started on Friday night and all day Saturday. It was annoying to say the least when his bag and cell phone were stolen at the school on Friday night (eish it doesn't end). I made him take his phone because it was night time and I wanted him to be able to get hold of me if he needed too. Bad call on my part, BUT I also told him that if there was no safe place to leave his bag, phone food etc he should call me to pick it up BEFORE he gets going on the rides etc. Well being a boy and a kid he dumped said bag along with the all the other kids bags and off he went to enjoy himself. Poor kid was very upset and I didn't help by being mad at him at first. In all fairness he is only 12 and who would think your bag out of all of them will get stolen? OK so it's half my fault half his fault and totally the fault of these creeps that can't keep their hands off other peoples stuff. T needs his phone because he stays at home alone from 2 - 4.30 every afternoon and we don't have a land line. I have to go and buy him a cheap phone today and that isn't in my budget at all. I was sitting thinking about all the bad things that have happened and blaming the town etc. When I started thinking about all the times crime has touched our lives and it has been all over this country & it is no use letting it get to us. It is a fact of life here sad but true.

Once years ago I came home from holiday and my place was trashed and things stolen. My car was broken into three times before today (two different cars), I lost that money at the ATM in December, my handbag, the rock against my window. T's bag. It's been petty crime so far and thank goodness we are all fine and nobody was hurt or killed along the way. we survived the other incidents and we will survive this one too. But it sets one back somewhat and makes you so angry that it's no wonder we all begin to hate one another in this country and there is so much unrest and animosity. Times are tough and we are all suffering so when you work hard for something and somebody just "takes" it from you without paying a cent or batting an eye it seems so very unfair.

I mostly try to search for the "lesson" to be learnt in all things that happen and I sometimes succeed, like with T's bag he didn't listen to me and make sure it was in a totally safe place. He didn't listen to me and call me to fetch his phone. He actually often doesn't listen to me and I am hoping that this will open his eyes to the fact that sometimes I am right and I do know what I am talking about. He has apologised but human memories can be short hey? Regarding the other crime related incidents over the years? I cannot say that they have taught me anything at all. I am always very careful where I park my car & take care of my possessions, my cars were both broken into at home in their carports behind locked gates? Since then I have always made sure I have a lock up garage which often means you pay more rent, no lesson has been learnt because it has only made my finances worse.

It is a vicious circle. I don't feel like a victim I am just sad that the crime doesn't stop and that some people say "dam you do have bad luck" I don't want to start believing that one. It will really make me depro if I do, but at what point do you begin to think that you are indeed cursed? I have had nothing but crap for a while now and I am honestly at a lose here? What am I supposed to think? Or maybe I am not supposed to think at all? That would be easier :-). The crimes have taken place over many years except the lst few that have all taken place in the last 7 months. Is crime getting worse and worse or is it my fault in some twisted way?

This is how I feel today............

2009-07-31T06:30:00.000-07:00

The past two weeks have been really rough T and I have both had the flu. My Uncle passed away, my financial situation is kind of scarey and work has been hell on wheels. On the bright side I have a friend visiting for a week that I haven't seen in two years and that has been amazing. She is staying until Sunday, it has been one of the best visits I have had ever! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

This is what I'd like to say to some people :-)

2009-07-31T02:08:00.000-07:00

Canine humour.............

2009-07-30T06:06:00.000-07:00

My 69 (thanks Angel) without a 37...............

2009-07-24T03:18:00.000-07:00

1. Are your parents married or divorced? Married 45 years
2. Are you a vegetarian? No ways! I love meat!
3. Do you believe in Heaven? I do but I can’t believe animals don’t go so my heaven has animals or I don’t really want to be there………..
4. Have you ever come close to dying? Nope
5. What jewelry do you wear? Don’t wear any as a rule
6. Favorite time of day? Evening when I get to go home to my family 9T and the fur babies)
7. Do you eat the stems of broccoli? Yip
8. Do you wear makeup? I do but not keen on it I don’t on weekends mostly
9. Ever have plastic surgery? Nope
10. Do you color your hair? Nope (have once or twice though) it’s very short
11. What do you wear to bed? T shirt and pj shorts usually I don’t feel the cold at night and my little dogs sleep with me so they like built in heaters
12. Have you ever done anything illegal? Yeah I have………………
13. Can you roll your tongue? O yeah and touch my nose with it, got a Loong tongue
14. Do you tweeze your eyebrows? Just tidy them up now and then
15. What kind of sneakers? Nikes
16. Do you still own vinyl? Nope
17. What is your hair color? Blond but it’s got darker over the years got natuaral blond highlights though
18. Future child’s name? There are no more children in my future
19. Do you snore? When my sinus is bad yip
20. If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? The Black Forrest in germany
21. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No live ones J
22. If I won the lottery… Buy a plot and educate my son
23. Gold or silver? Silver
24. Hamburger or hot dog? Burger
25. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Pasta with a meat sauce
26. City, beach or country? Country
27. What was the last thing you touched? Keyboard he he mouse before that
28. Where did you eat last? In my office
29. When’s the last time you cried? On Wednesday when my brother phoned me to tell me our Uncle passed away
30. Do you read blogs? Yes
31. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? Have before
32. Ever been involved with the police? Yip
33. Whats your favorite shampoo, conditioner and soap? Um don’t think I have a specific favorite of any of them, got v short hair doesn’t need much attention
34. Do you talk in your sleep? I have been told I do
35. Ocean or pool? BOTH!! Love swimming!
36. What’s your favorite song at the moment? Don’t have a current favorite actually
37. Hey!!! Where’s the question for#37…
38. What is your favorite colour/s? red, green (but not to wear)
39. Ever met anyone famous? Used to work and party with some of the Sharks players years ago, met Jonty Rhodes once…………..
40. Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life? I believe success is relative and in some areas I have been sucessful, I am a work in progress though
41. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Depends on my mood
42. Ricki Lake or Oprah? Oprah
43. Basketball or Football? American kinda question this? Neither
44. How long do your showers last? Til Im clean? He he
45. Automatic, or do you drive a stick? Manual but have driven both
46. Cake or ice cream? Ice cream please.
47. Are you self-conscious? Yeah but not as bad as I was when I was much younger
48. Have you ever drank so much you threw up? O yeah
49. Have you ever given money to a tramp? Yes
50. Have you been in love? Yip
51. Where do you wish you were? At home
52. Are you wearing socks? Yes it’s freezing today
53. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Nope
54. Can you tango? Nope
55. Last gift you received? Wednesday a lovely yellow potted begonia frm my dear fried A when she heard my uncle passed away
56. Last sport you played? Hockey
57. Things you spend a lot of money on? Food and books
58. Where do you live? Kwazulu Natal
59. Where were you born? Gauteng!
60. Last wedding attended? Friends in Pretoria
61. Favorite alcoholic drink? Whisky and beer
62. What’d you do last weekend? Had guests my bro and family brought my son home
63. Most hated food/s? beetroot………….
64. What’s your least favourite chore? Moping floors and weeding
65. Can you sing? No ways!
66. Last person you instant messaged? My friend who is on a greyhound bus on her way here and I havent seen her for TWO years!
67. Last place you went on holiday? Hillcrest
68. Favorite regular drink? Coke light
69. Current crush? Mmmmmmmm pass…………………..

Thomas is home...........

2009-07-17T01:09:00.001-07:00

It went well, he is very happy to be home. I kept dog and cat separated, they say to do this for at least 5 days only let them get the scent but not actually see each other.

I am really happy he is home he slept on my bed and purred all night! I really missed that........

Now come on big boys please at least learn to tolerate each other eventually....................

Cat vs Dog.....................

2009-07-16T05:18:00.000-07:00

Thomas heathcliffe is fine, he is still residing at our old building and being taken care of by my old neighbour. but she wants to move and so now he HAS to stay at home and he and Brutus have to get along. Easy? I don't think so, I am going to fetch him AGAIN today and take him home for the hundredth time and I don't actually know WTF to do. The dog and the cat do not like each other and even though this is not the reason Thomas roams (he did it long before the dog came) I have to make it work somehow. I have tried introducing them through a cage, I have had to lock one up and let one out at a time I feel guilty about the one that is locked away. I want my cat & my dog both to be able to lie in the lounge at night with us and though that might be a pipe dream that is what I want. I couldn't get a big dog puppy and wait for it to grow up because we needed the security straight away. I sometimes think I shouldn't have got Brutus because of the cat, but if we didn't we would have still been scared and uncomfortable in our own home. Thomas is hardly at home so in a way it is his own fault if he is the one locked up. He is a maniac at night and keeps us all awake wanting to escape etc. I can't make a seven year old cat stay indoors after all these years, he is used to roaming. I wish T was here to help me when I get home today I wish the animals would get along, I wish I could "fix" this....................any suggestions?

A very long & honest post............

2009-07-13T23:39:00.000-07:00

Honesty time: I am tired of pretending to myself that this is OK, that I am happy here and that I made the right choice. I have never admitted this to anyone least of all myself, but I am ready to do so now so that maybe I can make changes and make our lives better.

It isn’t all-bad I know that but the bad out weighs the good and it isn’t a good way to live. As a single parent I wanted to be closer to my family and I am way closer T can go there even for short holidays and it doesn’t cost us a fortune and we can be there in three hours, not six and my parents can come and visit. We have a house a nice big house, which we wouldn’t have been able to afford in the city. We have a new dog, he is lovely and he has made a difference to T and is his constant companion and play mate. T likes his school and he is doing all right.

BUT the bad is way more and doesn’t end: Thomas my cat doesn’t live at home anymore, he refuses to stay there, he keeps running away, I have tried everything and I can’t force him anymore. It makes me feel sad and guilty, I am at a point where I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Since I came here I started smoking & drinking again and that has made my finances go for a huge dive and the more I worry about my finances the more I smoke, makes no sense but there you have it.

My job sucks BIG TIME. I was sent a job spec for this position (the then branch manager used to work with me in the city) he offered me a position and he sent me the job spec. When I got here it wasn’t what it had seemed on paper. I was in management before I had a good position & I dressed nicely every day and worked really hard in the office. I got here was stuck in the stores, yes I am the logistics controller, I perform lots of the management type functions that I did before due to my experience and knowledge. I have made a major difference and the managers keep telling me this, I know I do I don’t need them to tell me, but they don’t tell anyone else. They keep this to themselves and I am treated like a ‘store man” here. On top of doing all these functions I have to pack shelves pick stock and work like a skivvy and get treated like one. It is so degrading and beneath me that it makes me cry to even talk about it, I have a dodgy back some days my back gets so sore I can hardly move. I hate it so much it is eating me up inside, I have been for interviews then these people find out (how I don’t know must be the small town thing) and block it, because they say they would be f*cked without me. But yet they allow the rest of the women here to treat me like sh*t and make my life hell. I have been treated with suspicion and talked about and stabbed in the back to the point that Head Office was even told that I am being treated badly (not by me J ). They are a lazy bunch and the minute the manager’s backs are turned they sit together in reception and gossip. I don’t join in this, it isn’t me I still think like a manager and I work and do what has to be done. It is so bad that I don’t talk to anyone here except about work, every change I have made has been treated with suspicion. I am a single mother too I run my own house I have my own car and I am strong, that makes me an enemy I think a threat. They don’t know a thing about my life because I don’t sit and gossip with them. The managers are good to me and reward my efforts and chat to me etc But they also keep promising to make changes and they don’t do it.

I was accused to making some really bad statements about two weeks ago, given the fact that I don’t talk to anyone here it is nothing but a joke, BUT this person accused me of saying bad things about the managers, it could have ended very badly if I wasn’t me and I didn’t have a great working relationship with the managers. It ended up in a meeting with witnesses etc, but they never brought the person forward who is meant to have made the remarks? WTF? Jealousy? Envy? Why?

This and the handbag being stolen and all the bad luck that I have had is getting to me now. I know I am strong and I am not in the wrong here, nobody is perfect but all the men here are good to me treat me with respect and we work well together it is just the women. I can’t do this anymore I can’t pretend anymore I don’t want to be here I don’t want to work here and I don’t actually know what to do about it right now. I just know I have to make changes and fast. I have stopped drinking too much; it wasn’t helping except for some stress relief after work. I am still smoking though; I can’t wear nice clothes because they will get messed up. I can’t be myself because these people are so strange. I used to laugh and joke all day long and be a happy person. Now I am quiet and Conservative and don’t trust anyone, total change and total opposite. I can’t believe this is happening or has happened. It is two years on, some say give it time that is enough time. I have tried everything to fit in here and because I am a threat it isn’t ever going to happen. The women here ruled the roost before I came along they pulled the wool over the manager’s eyes and did whatever they wanted to do. Now they have been shown up and I guess that’s why they are doing this to me?

They gossip if I talk to the manager’s they gossip if I stay for a drink with the guys after work, they gossip that I sit and do nothing all day. They say the most dreadful things about me that you can ever imagine, and being a dumb ass I have tried for two years to overlook all this and to get along with the b*tches. The manager’s at one point wanted to call them all in and tell them to get off my case. But I told them not to fearing that it would make it worse. I am not a coward and have nothing to hide, but these people are dangerous, I know because of the things they say true or not they don’t care. I have had enough now……………………………..

Two years ago...............still makes me want to cry......

2009-07-09T05:25:00.000-07:00

Like our friends Martha & Bailey the basset hounds we were also rescue dogs, Abigail (Jack Russell terrier) in April 2006 abandoned & with a rib that protrudes that the vet said was most likely from being kicked. Shadow (Dachshund) in August 2006 from the SPCA abandoned with puppies by her owners when they moved homes. This is what we looked like on our respective first days home: so thin and sad. How truly blessed we are two years on we are happy healthy little girls that get so much love and attention and give so much in return!

Girls it breaks my heart when people are cruel to animals and I am so grateful that the two of you came into our lives and joined our family! Abby chewed through a fence into our garden and into our hearts. Shadow was in her cage at the SPCA and when T sat down on the floor she put her paws on his shoulders and licked his face..........he said "this is the one mom"................you both chose us and we are honoured! How could anyone be so cruel to two such beautiful loving dogs?

Thank you for choosing us to be your family and for all the joy that you give us!!

Lunch time rush hour in down town "smallsville" .....

2009-07-09T04:49:00.000-07:00

This really made me laugh. I'm at the robot waiting to turn right and there is a tractor in front of me? With the guy waving to a mate he he. This in the middle of town? A tractor? he he only in a small town hey?

my power animal.................

2009-07-03T01:19:00.001-07:00

I got this from Angel's blog, interesting didn't even know there was such a creature!

Home alone.................

2009-07-01T00:23:00.000-07:00

T has gone on holiday. I took him half way (180km) on Synday and my parents met me and took him back to their place. There is definatley a LULL in my life right now. Sunday I was so tired, havent driven long distance for a while so after 360km I was bushed and chilled the rest of the day.

We are having a really cold spell right now the birdbath is frozen every morning and I have to break ice to let the birds drink, the wild birds are really hungry right now and eating me out of house and home. I buy them seed and I give them left over bread etc. They shout loudly if I am too late with all this. The dogs are missing T they get a bit naughty in the afternoons, not used to being alone all day as he is there after school usually, I have been visiting them on my lunch break and they are always so glad to see me. Wish everyone was as nice as dogs are hey? Though I doubt the dug up Petunias think the dogs are that wonderful.........

Monday night I went out with my friend to her mothers home, it was her mothers birthday and we had snacks and drinks and I got home at 10.30, was very nice. We sat around the table chatting there we six of us, nice to have just adult conversation and so on for a change. I don't get much of that being a single mom.

Work is so quiet today was our financial year end last month so up to yesterday we were full speed ahead, today everyone is taking it easy. Wish we could be at home taking it easy rather.

A dog sh*t start to the day...............LOL

2009-06-24T23:41:00.000-07:00

At 2am we were woken up by T's cell service provider sending text messages about how to get free airtime. WTF? Like you need to know this at 2am? Anyway back to sleep but I didn't fall asleep straight away, active mind thinking about work, school holidays & a friends visit at the end of July. I haven't seen her since I left Centurion so I am very glad she is coming and spending two weeks with us. YAY!

Needless to say when it was time to get up I couldn't manage it, it is freezing here been a dreadful wind for three days already and I lay in bed for 45 minutes before I could force myself up and out. As you all know that is asking for trouble and then the rush began. Coffee, shower make lunches let dogs out fill their water scoop poop etc all in way less time than usual. T was his usual self playing and singing to the dogs and taking his own sweet time to get dressed etc. I was on track and busy getting dressed when he comes down the passage holding his school shoe and heaving............Whats wrong now?

"There is dog sh*t on my shoe".............more heaving.............."How the hell did you manage that?"....................."I don't know but there is dog sh*t on my shoe"..........He marches into the toilet and starts spraying air freshener onto said dog sh*t..............heaving all the time.

"That's not going to work give me the dam shoe".............so there I am outside in the freezing cold with pine gel spray (which has dettol antiseptic in) a scrubbing brush, a small stick (to get those nasty bits in between the patterns on the soles out) scrubbing dog sh*t off his school shoe & we are late already.........YUCK!

T isn't neat or tidy, he dumps his things all over the place and doesn't worry about them until he needs them again. I think he must have stepped in said dog sh*t yesterday when we got home, it was hard and dry and took ages to get off. Despite me telling him every single day to change when he gets home. I scoop poop in the mornings usually as we have a fairly large garden and it takes a while.

He he but it is funny and we got to school on time, thank goodness he is writing his last exam today and then going on holiday. My hands are still frozen though despite coffee at work and the air con.................the joys of kids and animals what would we do without them?

One of "those" days.................

2009-06-23T06:21:00.000-07:00

Dam! It is my month end right now, yesterday and today. I am in charge of the meter reading billing for this branch, I don't physically take the meters but I do the exceptions, credits manual billing etc. It is an involved process and especially this month being financial year end. Yesterday was a rough day to say the least and today has been the same, with a few added twists. I arrived THREE minutes late to pick T up from school at lunch time. I stopped at the supermarket to get bread, milk, dog biscuits and a few odds before I fetched him. With things being so rough at work I don't like to leave it until after work and I am bushed by that time anyway. Mr T is safe as houses waiting a few minutes the scholar patrol man doesn't leave until they all gone, there were still children there, he jumps into the car and says "WHY ARE YOU SO LATE"............not hello how you bugger you nought just starts performing. O well almost teenagers hey? So I stop at a stop street kid still mouthing off at me, pull off again and I hear a thud and a terrible squeaking starts. Dammit! I arrive home and climb half under my car in the driveway to see WTF?............Then the dogs decide they have waited for me for long enough to come into the garden and they start a fight. Not Brutus he stood aside all sheepish and innocent shame, the two little girls gave each other a good go. Dachshund versus Jack Russell, the dachshund had the upper hand by the way. So I run away from the car and attend to the dogs, jeez what next? I dump the shopping rush back out and leave to come back to work. I drove around the back of the house around the gym's parking lot and the horrible noise stopped. Must have been a branch or twig or summit thank goodness. The wind is blowing like crazy here today, the dust, leaves, twigs etc are terrible.

So I rush back here to carry on with my month end and the web side of our meter programme is queueing and not pulling through to SAP (our operating system) and so it goes, it is still queueing and it means that I have to be here real early tomorrow morning to fix the last exceptions. Whoo Hoo...............

O well never a dull moment as they say..............

Shhhhhhhh it's a secret

2009-06-18T22:56:00.000-07:00

Had a very interesting meeting yesterday with my boss. It seems I am going to be promoted (a kind of big one) and I'm very excited etc. But I know too it is going to cause it here with these people I work with. As those of you who know me well know I work in a small town now with small town people. There isn't a helluva lot of ambition and some of them have been here for years and are in a comfort zone that borders on pure laziness. I was in management before I came here and though I am doing virtually the same job I don't have the title. He is going to put a cat amoung the pigeons and make me his 2IC...............watch this space I can see the feathers flying soon.....................seriously pray for me hold thumbs toes and whatever thanks guys!!

Dogs can wink too

2009-06-18T01:03:00.001-07:00

We had a visit from a friend over the weekend she came to meet Mr Brutus for the first time. Armed with treats she made an instant hit with this boy. That must be the reason why he winked at her when she took this photo?

This is one spoilt family member already!

Is it a curse? Is it a hex?

2009-06-10T06:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I get home after fetching T from school and we have no power. I am not particularly worried as it does go off now and then obviously, when I got home after work we still had no power, so I go into the gym and ask the admin lady WTF? The neighbours all have electricity it’s only us? She tells me the municipality said it will be back on by 5.30 and she doesn’t know why it is off. What a lie that turned out to be after going all night with no power, having no supper, having a cold bath this morning and no coffee, and dragging all my meat to work with me so it wouldn’t defrost I called the municipality myself. Turns out the bill wasn’t paid, now I’m mad as a snake and call Madam Landlady. She apologized many times and said they only paid yesterday and it should be on soon. (She lives in the next town 100km away). Now IF the admin lady didn’t lie to me I would have prepared for a dark night and made arrangements for supper etc. But she did lie and I HATE that. There are tenants in the flat too and they also had to suffer through a dark cold night with no power. Mrs Admin leaves at 5 to her cosy house, supper and hot water etc and leaves us none the wiser jeez!! If she told me she made this mistake I wouldn’t have reported it to her boss, if she told the truth I would have made a plan about supper. After waiting for a while it was too dark to go out and get anything, given the trouble we have had there I wasn’t going to unlock the gate motor drive car out lock it again and repeat this when coming home to a pitch dark property.

Some people!

I was just reading Angel’s blog and I can sympathize with you my friend, I also want my little T-Bone back. This almost teenage version is very rude and moody. He screams at me and throws almost tantrums, which by the way he never did as a little boy. I too don’t like him very much right now and there are some days when I don’t even want to go home after work. I am tired of the attitude and the lip and the disrespect. One minute he is an angel loving and sweet next minute a devil, I don’t know if I am cut out for this either…………good luck to us all!

Spoilt watchdog.............

2009-06-08T06:09:00.000-07:00

Hello this is me Brutus. I was an outside dog until I moved in with my new family. Now I sleep inside on the couch so I can protect this new family that I love so much. I am very sweet and I get on well with the little girls Abigail & Shadow (but am a bit naughty with Thomas the cat).

My mom was talking to our neighbour over the wall yesterday and I didn't like the look of him so I stood up with my front paws on the top of the wall and let him know I am "on guard". I have a loud booming bark and he got a shock. My mom was proud of me and she is no longer scared in our home.

I love T, we spend hours playing together and I have made sure he is no longer a couch potato. We are a bit rough and loud but we are boys after all.

My Mom's father calls me "BIB"...................bum in butter LOL! I think that is exactly where I've landed.............

I'm so tired

2009-06-05T06:07:00.000-07:00

It is financial year end, work is rough. Home is also way more busy now with new dog. T and Brutus play and rough house a lot, the little girls join in too and it means more to tidy more to clean and more to do. I am glad that all my 'kids' are happy and having a good time but boy I could do with a break. Luckily the grass isn't growing fast anymore so mowing has calmed down and I basically just need to do cleaning and washing, I enjoy cleaning my house, mowing my lawn etc. It normally doesn't bother me much but I really feel like a weekend off right now. I want to lie and read and watch TV and do nothing, or that is what it feels like but I can never just do nothing. I am always up to something and don't really relax very well. The best I can do is go to bed a bit early and read for hours.

I am just so tired right now, it has been a really busy week and it has flown past. I haven't done half the things I wanted to do at home and that is working on my mind.

I have some great photo's to put on my blog but they stole my USB cable (was in the dam handbag) so I cant download them yet and that is driving me crazy!

I went for a haircut last Saturday and had a long chat with the two girls there. We have all read "The Secret" and we are all having a hardish time right now. One of them said it is because we are focusing on the bad and negative and not the good and positive. It makes sense to me so I have been trying to figure out how to be grateful that they stole my handbag and that we were scared after they smashed the window.

I am grateful that it was material things & that we weren't harmed in anyway. I am grateful that when my little dogs went after them they didn't get harmed. I am grateful that it brought us Brutus who is a lovely dog and keeps T busy and happy for hours each day. Kid and dog spend hours playing, rough housing and outside. It is indeed a blessing because I no longer have a bored couch potato on my hands. It is a blessing because big dog loves the little dogs and plays with them too.It is a blessing because we are not scared anymore.

But despite all that it turned my life upside down and to date I haven't had much down time at all................the people in the flat got a dog that is in heat and I had to build a barrier over the precast wall between our gardens because THEIR dog kept jumping into our garden and upsetting my dogs. They are in their twenties leave the property most weekends on a Saturday morning and don't come home until Sunday evening, said dog is seven months old terrified of people and howls like crazy all weekend. I just know it is going to end up pregnant because it jumped over so many times and last Saturday morning jumped over ran into my house and peed on my bed ffs!! All this just has just added fuel to an already raging inferno. Since I built the barrier it has been a bit better because now I only have my own family to deal with. But it took T and I hours to erect it and I was so angry because my dogs didn't jump over once, so once again I was doing something that somebody else should have done.

I think it has just been a rough hectic patch and that is why I am so tired, I know I am strong and capable and responsible but can I get to be a bit irresponsible and take a break now please?

Time to quit..............AGAIN

2009-06-02T03:27:00.000-07:00

I was doing so well on my way to “quitting” when all the chaos happened at home and financial year end stock take etc. So my quit basically flew out the window. I let myself smoke and didn’t worry about it too much until this week. Yesterday I went to the pharmacy and got nicorette gum and joined the nicorette “kick back” programme online. My new “quit date” is tomorrow 03.06.2009. They called me just now to see how I’m doing and if I’m ready for tomorrow. What a nice way to start. Last time I went “cold turkey” and I did it for ten months, but I had mountains of support. My Dad sms’d me everyday and I had a quit buddy at work and loads of friends supporting me. So I know how important the support is especially in the first few weeks.

So tomorrow morning when I wake up I have to chew gum instead of smoke. I have to do it this time, financially smoking is ruining my budget and making me suffer and it is a quick way to save a lot of money at once. The medical aid paid for the gum and the quit programme is free so there is no excuse this time. I am a bit nervous that I won’t stick to it but I know I CAN do it.

I also know that it makes you feel amazing, when you quit. I am talking about inside, you feel strong and confident and almost like if you can quit smoking you can do anything……………..I was so proud of myself last time and so many people were very proud of me. I want to feel that way again. I want my clothes and hair to stop smelling of smoke, I want to use the money more wisely; I want to be healthier. I want to feel strong again!! I want my child to stop worrying about my health and to be proud of me for doing it. I only hope I want it badly enough!!

We have a new family member..........

2009-05-27T04:13:00.000-07:00

He is boerboel cross and his name is Brutus and he knows his name so I can't change it. This is the sweetest dog you can imagine, he arrived on Saturday after the plastic worked overtime on a kennel.............but he doesn't leave our sides and sleeps on T's bedroom floor. My T has been really nervous since all the nonsense now he has a constant "pack" of dogs following him even when he goes to shower B is on guard. He loves his sisters already and the people in the flat got a dachshund cross that spends the afternoon's with T too, so he has four dogs to play with and he feels way safer. I do too, it has made a huge difference. He is sweet and has a huge voice that scares anyone coming near. I think just the sight of the big kennel outside and the dogs in the garden all day scares them off. I am hoping so anyway. Landlady hasn't done ONE thing to beef up the security so I am glad I went ahead and adopted mister Brutus and did my own thing (I did get her permission). I think it is pretty slack of her to not do anything but that's people for you hey? Now when I garden or hang out washing etc I have a big bodyguard and I've actually started enjoying my garden and house again. It is extra work and he needs training & we are having to introduce dog & cat which is going well baby steps are required though, he had never seen a cat before and Thomas wasn't very impressed but they doing OK now. This weekend all the dogs need a bath and especially the new boy! Anyway time to go to school and fetch T.

It just doesn't stop................

2009-05-21T23:06:00.000-07:00

Wednesday evening 20H10 (I glanced at the VCR's clock when it happened) we were watching TV in the lounge and heard a bang and glass shattering. Glory not again? It was my bedroom window and this time I really got the shakes. I phoned the police while standing there looking at the window (it is the small one at the top the "shutter" type) they obviously didn't like me closing it now, so thought they would smash it and stick the branch through. Well they slipped up didn't they? Besides I don't leave anything anywhere near this window anymore so WTF for?? The police were there within 10 minutes and we took a walk around with them. They promised to be in the area up and down all night and they were I saw them several times. It is apparently a "hot spot" area right now. It wasn't a great evening, I had a few glasses of wine, we moved into the TV lounge that has three doors all with security gates on and slept there. I slept very well but I felt like crap all day yesterday, landlady made me contact the glass companies, they fixed the window, she paid. The police said I must leave the dogs outside, they too little they get very protective and are wide awake but they are too small.

Landlady has to come up with some extra security now, the people in the flat and T and I are scared now. She should have done it last time. Some people say O you must move, no frikken ways!!!!! I like my house I just moved I'm NOT going to let these f*ckers chase me away! I might be getting a Boerboel this weekend his owners don't want him anymore he is three. Or I am going to the SPCA to look for a big dog. Landlady is going to have alarm split so that the flat and house have separate controls so we can arm the dam thing, she is dragging her feet she is annoying me, BUT I am NOT going to move out. There is a lady that wants to join the gym that does landscaping she is willing to plant twenty 2m high fever trees with dreadful thorns on around the place where they are getting in, she wants three months free gym is all. So the ladies are working on landlady today!

So yes I am nervous and tired and angry and fed up! But I am NOT being chased away!! Besides I'm kind of excited about the dog (he he typical), and why shouldn't I have a house?

I was robbed AGAIN............

2009-05-12T05:56:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting here at work in a semi state of shock. I was robbed AGAIN last night. This time they pushed a long branch through my bedroom window and stole my handbag by hooking it with the branch. We were watching TV at the time the window was closed by latched not locked. The curtains were closed we were at home where you meant to be safe. The dogs went crazy T ran to the bedroom and saw somebody run away; it was too dark to see who or anything. Then he saw the branch thrown on the lawn. Had to cancel all my cards, phone the police and wait for them. My friend came around she drove around the streets to see if they didn’t dump it somewhere. She took us to the police station to get an affidavit because now I don’t have a driver’s license. She gave me money because everything was in my handbag. T finally got to bed at 11.30. I was awake until 2am; I needed a rescue pill they were in my handbag. I had to sit at home affairs for two hours this morning to get a temp ID certificate and apply for another ID book. I had to go to the bank with said temp ID to get a new debit card. I am so tired; I am scared I am fed up. Why can’t people just leave other people’s things alone? Why is this country so riddled with crime? Why did this happen to me again so soon?

On the bright side we fine, my cell phone wasn’t in my bag; I don’t keep any of the keys in my bag. I have been and sorted out all except my driver’s license I have cancelled all my cards. I will get my credit cards back in a week, I have a new debit card. But man I can’t focus on the positive right now. This happen at 18H15, not late at night or in the early hours of the morning at 18H15 ffs!! We have to go back to that house tonight we have to sleep there, we are all alone & tired and scared and generally pissed off!!!

When to cut a “friend” loose??? Advice anyone?

2009-05-07T02:58:00.000-07:00

This is a subject that I have mulled through in my head and heart for the last four years at least. I have discussed it with two other close friends and they both say that it is a tough one BUT that this person is playing me and to put it frankly fucking with my mind!

I have a friend that I have had for years and years. This person can be the nicest person on earth and can be very sweet and spoils me at times, makes my life a bit easier etc. BUT and it is a big but this person can also be very horrible and nasty, don’t get me wrong I am 43 years old I know we all have our “days”!! I am no saint and I can also be a miserable wench like the best of them. But this person borders on abusive at times. This person puts me down treats me badly and makes me feel totally rotten at times. Even makes me feel “less” of a person and mother. I know this person has issues and an inferiority thing going on and I can understand that “beating” up on somebody close must make her feel superior and better etc. But I don’t think I need to be anybodies punch bag. I have had my opinions crushed, been belittled had my feels belittled and my mothering skills attacked at times.

I end up avoiding this person and carrying on with my life and then suddenly one day she will come popping back into my life with a gift or a gift for my son. Or do something “amazing” and then I start questioning this whole process all over again, then I convince myself that she is actually a great friend etc, & the cycle starts all over again. She has done wonderful things for me and I do appreciate it a whole lot, but I get very hurt and angry when she is nasty and awful to me and I even start second guessing my choices and myself and I don’t believe this is healthy.

I have discussed this at length with a very close friend of mine and every time “abuse” starts we chat about it, it upsets me. I also sometimes need reassurance that it isn’t my “fault” at times because things can be going great and suddenly she will STAMP on me again. My other friend said once that she doesn’t know how I put up with this behavior and I should think long and hard about whether the friendship is really worth it. My own son has said he doesn’t like the way she speaks to me at times or to him for that matter. I think I am confident enough now to realize that it isn’t me.

Actually I think I have answered my own question by writing this down. It isn’t worth it this person doesn’t deserve my friendship or me. I have so many amazing friends in my life and so much support and love why would I need to be treated badly??? I have spent many hours being really hurt by this behavior and feeling like crap I don’t need this.

Ok so now HOW do you cut somebody like this loose? What if she turns up and does something extra sweet again what happens then?

I have a plan now................

2009-05-05T04:09:00.000-07:00

Last time i quit smoking I worked with a plan and it worked because I did quit even though it was only for ten months I did it and I was proud of myself and I know I should never have started again but sometimes it takes more than one try hey? I have been back up to over a pack a day in the 18 months I have been smoking again and I suffer form panic attacks because I smoke and I have been trying to "force" myself to quit and it so hasn't worked so far. But now I am working with a plan like I did before and I am feeling good and optimistic about it. I have already stopped smoking in my car and my bedroom. I only smoke at certain times during the day and I go for long stretches in between smokes. I am working on breaking this habit slowly like I did before and I already smoke at least ten less a day than I was. It is a start and I am way more aware of my habit and what I can do to break it. I don't keep my smokes near me my lighter in different place to the smokes. My child is very proud and supportive and the people that know and understand addiction are too, and of course the ones that care for me. I haven't told many people this time as negative comments always make me depro and I don't need that now. I know that I can do it this time too and my mind is calm now that I have made a positive step towards this quit. I know I will have good & bad days I know it is hard but not impossible. I am well educated about quitting and I have all the knowledge necessary to do it again. I need support and have two quit buddies already that are routing for me. So wish me luck!!

Sometimes the symptoms are so strong..........

2009-04-29T22:41:00.000-07:00

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder some years ago, it isn’t a major or very bad form it is just there. I have been on meds but I don’t like them they take the “highs” away and you kind of flat line. I do go into some really deep dark places at times and other times I border on insane happiness for no apparent reasons. I tend to get really down about “small” stuff and then I can be really stressed and unhappy to the point where I don’t sleep etc. “Big” stuff on the other hand I handle well or better and remain level headed. Right now the symptoms are really getting to me and I had a rough time with my landlady yesterday she is a bit pushy and she got it into her head to plant all sorts of plants etc in my garden. O well that’s nice enough isn’t it? Except I had a corner of indigenous ground cover with lovely bright flowers that specifically attracts butterflies and we have seen seven different species already, well she had that all that ripped out and planted agapanthus there instead. I love aggies always have but my heart is so sore about the butterflies and it kept me awake last night. See ‘small’ stuff but it upset me a lot and when I got home at lunchtime and discovered this I was really angry and went into a downward spiral.

The other thing I can’t handle is noise, I like the TV sound down low I like to be quiet and peaceful in the mornings when I get ready and I like being alone. It doesn’t always go well: like this morning there is a huge rain spider in my room and she was walking around the ceiling and T kept coming in and screaming and making horrible noises and scaring the sh*t out of me and the dogs and the spider. It gets so bad that I go into a total flat spin and then I forget half of what I have to do and I shake etc. I was at that point and closed the cupboard door on said spider without realizing it was there, now I am feeling bad because I squashed it, I opened the door when I saw she wasn’t on the ceiling anymore and found her there, not sure if she is going to be ok? I then proceeded to forget the dogs collars and then closed my precious dachshunds foot in the gate, was almost on the verge of tears and ready to throttle T and shaking like a leaf once we got in the car. I know I’m not the only person who gets upset about noise and commotion etc and I know it is something that is part of me, but sometimes it’s like I can’t function and I loose it totally, I forget the simplest things and go outside my self then it isn’t cool…….mostly I am fine but sometimes the symptoms are so strong…………

Smile...............

2009-04-29T01:07:00.000-07:00

"prison break" cat.................

2009-04-21T03:48:00.000-07:00

Wow he is driving me nuts. He does not want to be a house cat and he is determined to piss me off so much that I let him out and about again at night. I can't I want to so much I need to sleep I need to open the windows, but I have a responsibility to this cat and I love him. He is allowed out during the day now but after his dinner and evening stroll he is kept inside for the night. Boy does that cause trouble. He sits on window sills and bangs on the windows the dogs think somebody is trying to break in and they run around like crazy. He knocks things over, I am sure to get me to get up and play with him and spend time with him. He calls me, and Thomas has always been a silent cat only talking now and then. Now he talks all the time. He tries all sorts of things and though it is endearing and funny now, at 3am it isn't quiet so amusing. I am protecting him but he is going bats at the same time. Last night was freezing here and he actually slept on my bed until 2.37am when his antics began. He ended up being locked in the study again and I felt terrible, but he came out all loving and purring again this morning waiting to be let out the front door. Last I saw of him before I left for work was him sharpening his claws on a huge wooden reel (the ones used for metal cabling) that we have in the back yard. Happy to be FREE...........I am loath to let him roam at night anymore, but on the other hand he is 7 years old and has always been an outdoor cat and night is his favorite time. Lucky it is getting cooler now he stays home more in winter. O what to do???

Vets are expensive................

2009-04-19T22:46:00.000-07:00

So Mr Thomas came home with a sore eye on Friday afternoon. Eye's are very annoying and he was keeping it closed and the pupil was a tiny slit. Off we went to the vet on Saturday morning and R248.00 later he had injections and is on medication for a week. She said either he had a mild stroke or was hit on the head or something fell on him. Eish we had to keep him inside all weekend and he was very angry about that. We let him out yesterday during the day and spent the afternoon in the garden with him. He came in for his dinner and tablets about 6pm and then we locked him in again. Last night he was really angry and he smashed an ornament that T bought me for valentines day two years ago and he paced around until I got angry and shut him in the study. This morning he came out all friendly and then smacked me hard until I let him out into the garden, by the time we left for work it was raining so he came inside of his own accord and I know he will sleep now and keep warm. I am glad he is OK but I am ready to strangle him too :-)

After the vet we went to the nursery and bought seedlings, we planted Petunias and Pansies and I cant wait for them all to flower. The pansies are the only ones not flowering yet. It means we prepared a large bed and got rid of a whole lot more weeds. Yesterday afternoon my friend A came over with coffee cake that was divine and we sat in the garden until after dark chatting and watching the birds coming to the feeder and bath etc. Was a lekker afternoon and next Sunday we going to do the same in her garden.

Kitty Day Care

2009-04-17T02:44:00.000-07:00

Mr Thomas Heathcliffe was right at home in our new house until about ten days ago, he now thinks he is very clever and goes back to our old place in the middle of the night and then fails to come home until I go there and open the car door. He gets in ever so interested and sits on the seat beside me and looks out the window. You would think he has been driving around in the car every day for his entire seven years. He looks out at the traffic and purrs and sits perfectly still like a VIP being driven around in style, he is too cute and even gets in the car now just to be driven into the garage when I get home some days. He is a tad annoyed cos now we lock him in at night so he can't go down there too often, he never goes in the day only at night & most nights we find him and lock him in, but now and then he gets away only to be found visiting our old neighbours. They all know him and all make a fuss of him (he was the only cat there) so he is ever so happy to go and visit. The best time to find him there is late afternoon or on my way home from work, so it feels like he is at day care, I fetch him on the way home :-) Silly billy is always soooooooooo happy to see us but he keeps going back. I have never moved so close before, it's a little less than a KM so he hasn't done this before. The people in the old complex are very sweet and they wont feed him or anything to encourage a longer stay & are always phoning me etc. I am just scared that they might get 'gatvol'.....................o well ads spice to life and I think he is rather clever. He has been home since Saturday last weekend but this morning he wasn't around so it's off to day care for me today!!

FORTY EIGHT FABULOUS FACTS

2009-04-16T23:39:00.000-07:00

I “stole” this from Angel, good way to start blogging again after my long break, there is no 22 or 50 cos I didn’t get the questions………..

1. Do you like Blue Cheese? I do
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? no
3. Do you own a gun? No
4. Parenthood: Eish it is hard wonderful annoying amazing and rewarding!
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Nope
6. Real or fake nails? Real but they are stunning and look like I have a french manicure one of my best features and people do think they fake at times, but I garden and do loads of manual stuff so I often chop them off.
7. Favorite Christmas song? It’s a german one that my Oupa used to play
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee and 500ml water
9. Can you do push ups? yeah but only about three
10. What’s your favorite piece of jewellery? Im not materialistic and I and don’t worry much about clothes and jewellery, I have a cross I like but I don’t wear it often.
11. Favourite hobby? reading and gardening
12. Do you have A.D.D.? No but I lean towards bipolar and have been on medication for it,
13. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? The fact that I underestimate my own self worth
14. Middle Name? Sandra
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: thought Friday would never come, why are some people so rude?, can’t wait to plant pansies this weekend
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: coffee, whisky and lots of water
17. Current worry right now? How long is Friday going to take? He he no I have had a really rough & busy time lately hence the blog silence and a lot to think about and digest so I am currently giving my brain a rest.
18. Current hate right now? The RUDE one mentioned above
19. Favourite place to be? At home and I spend a LOT of time there I don’t do shopping malls etc I honestly love to be at home more than anywhere else.
20. How did you bring in the New Year? Um……….o yeah I went to bed early he he
21. Like to go? Now? home, to the nursery
23. Do you own slippers? Yip I don’t wear anything on my feet soon as I hit home but in winter I like them
24. What colour shirt are you wearing? Ouch it’s got lotsa colours
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Haven’t tried
26. Can you whistle? yip
27. Favourite colour? Purple my bedroom is purple and green
28. Would you be a pirate? Yeah they drink a lot he he
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Don’t sing in shower
30. Favourite girl’s name? Cara Lee
31. Favourite boy’s name? Jason
32. What’s in your pocket right now? Cell phone and keys
33. Last person that made you laugh? Tracy
34. Worst injury you’ve ever had? Torn ligaments
35. Do you love where you live? Yeah it’s the best
36. How many TV’s do you have in your house? Four funny cos I hardly watch tv
37. Who is your loudest friend? Ann
38. How many pets do you have? 2 dogs 1 cat 3 fish
39. Someone have a crush on you? Yeah
40. What is your favourite book? there are many I always find more
41. What is your favourite candy? don’t really eat sweets but I love jelly tots
42. Favourite Sports Team? cricket
43. What were you doing at 12AM last night? sleeping
44. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? It’s Friday at last
45. Worst habit? Smoking
46. Do you play an instrument? Nope
47. How long does it take you to get to work? Depends how long I want it to take I often do groceries in the am instead of after work, but direct trip about five minutes…
48. Plans for the weekend? Planting pansies and having one weekend where I don’t go anywhere except the nursery, have had a helluva hectic life lately and been very ill for three weeks I need a break.
49. If you could eat anything in the world right this second? Nah not hungry

Lets laugh a little..............

2009-03-18T22:57:00.000-07:00

Happiness...........

2009-03-17T00:40:00.000-07:00

Once again I don't know who wrote this but I enjoy this one:

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.
We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.
The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D Souza. He said, "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life.But there was always some obstacle in the way, Something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my "life".
This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time...and remember that time waits for no one.
So, stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die, until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination, so relax and live life to the fullest!

Hello Tuesday

2009-03-16T22:47:00.001-07:00

I'm tired, really tired. All this strain at work is a killer & somebody special to me is being considered for retrenchment in PTA Branch, I am so sad for her. I phoned her yesterday she said "Turks" (my nickname is Turkey but only to 2 very special people "La lee" & "Sheep"........ha ha) "Turks I don't know what the fuck to say"................"I HATE not being in control I wish it was over either way". La lee (also a nickname) I'm really sorry this is happening to you, you are on my mind ALL the time in a way I wish I was still there to take you out at lunch time and buy you chocolate like I did when you were pregnant, or have a black label with you like we did when you weren't :-)............I'm sitting here wanting to CRY for you. Everything happens for a purpose girl and I know you are going to go on to bigger & way better things but I know how this feels been there, it ain't nice!! As for our branch; the manager is away until tomorrow so we are also "up in the air" and don't know anymore than we did last week. I'm not scared for me I am sad for the ones that have to go. It is scary that there are so many and we are a HUGE corporation what about the smaller ones? I know it makes business sense to "trim the fat" but personally it sucks!!

Weekend was too short............

2009-03-16T05:32:00.000-07:00

Well it went by really fast for me, I managed to unpack some more boxes and hang up some pictures and paintings now it feels even more like home. The DSTV(cable) is up and running though we only have one channel of course :-). We are going to get those sensors and an extra remote then we can change channels etc when the owners are not there in their flatlet they only sleep here once or twice a week so it is lovely. Whenever I dreamt about "my house" I saw a HUGE yesterday, today and tomorrow bush in the garden I have a thing about them and the sent on a late summers evening. Guess what? We have such a bush and it is BIG. There are so many things that I pictured in my head & dreams that are there in that house. It is perfect for us and the more my subconscious reminds me the more it feels like it was truly meant to be. It has all been overshadowed by the crap at work and financial stresses but I took a step back and relaxed enough to enjoy my house this weekend. Yesterday afternoon I worked in the garden for two hours weeding and cutting edges with a spade, making it neater and smarter. My hands are still dirty it wont come off he he. I do have gloves but I like doing it without. I have no nails left and I am as happy a a pig in sh*t!! This evening we are going to mow the lawn. AFTER gym.

I was told "in confidence" .....................

2009-03-12T00:29:00.000-07:00

It seems like I don't have to worry.................that's all I'm saying..............I had a rough night last night was so down and grumpy I didn't even go to gym. I went to the bottle store and got myself some cheap hooch had four doubles cooked dinner and fell asleep on the couch :-) What a wonderful night I had, I woke up on couch at 9 and then slept in my bed until the morning. I feel refreshed and rested and was in a great mood this morning. Then I came to work and the BM had a word with me, and now I am off to the bank to sort out some more things. So it seems I am on a roll and maybe now I can enjoy my new home as much as I want.....

It is a typical tropical day here today hot as hell and I so don't do the heat and sun. I am glad my appointment at the bank is at 10.30 before it gets too hot and busy.

T has had a few hiccups at school with spelling tests, but this week we tried a new learning method and he got 7/10, he is proud of himself and I am so proud of him......he really would rather be outside watching spiders or drawing or making things out of wood this child of mine, he doesn't like sitting in the classroom and writing etc. I can relate to that I hated school myself, so I am not too hard on him, but he has to go to detention tomorrow for failing four spelling tests and there is nothing I can do to stop it. The teacher said he didn't learn or do his homework. Three of them he indeed didn't so he must be corrected, the third one he and I learnt together and he still failed, but after that we tried another way and it is going well. I asked the teacher to help me and she made suggestions, the same teacher that I bashed heads with earlier in the year...oops.

Now it is 'tomorrow" and T has detention until three, makes the work day drag when you can only go out at three I kind of like fetching him from school and taking him home because I get a break. It isn't so hellish busy here today as usual but there are painters here driving us crazy causing my sinuses to be very unhappy and headaches. Thank goodness it's Friday!!!!

Cutting Costs at Work

2009-03-10T06:57:00.001-07:00

So we on a HUGE cost saving mission at work. We belong to a very large group and they take no prisoners. The two managers called me in today and said HO wants THREE names of people the branch can retrench by end of March. Ai what a nasty thing, I told them two names as they are reps that have never sold a thing since they have been here and that is a relatively easy decision, but number THREE? .............they agreed with my two names and kept pushing for a third, saying that it could be either of them etc. I didn't commit to a name, they asked me if I could do extra work seeing as how I do so much already told them nothing is impossible I guess everything can be worked around. I am feeling insecure I have worked for this company (with three years broken service) a total of 19 years and I was in Management most of that time. I do 150% and way exceed my job spec's etc, I still think like a Manager and do what is best for the company as a whole. I work very hard and I have a wealth of knowledge and experience. But they hasn't endeared me to my colleagues as I have previously stated and that makes me nervous. The Managers on the other hand appreciate my input etc so who is to say what will happen. I only know if I loose my job I am totally screwed I am the only bread winner and am going through a rough financial patch as it is. I actually don't need this crap right now but on the other hand trials and hardships make us stronger and build character. I honestly can think of a few pieces of "driftwood" that could be sent on their way but I don't trust these people enough to be that honest with them, learnt that the hard way since I have worked in this town. Theystick together like glue and through thick and thin. So I never did end up giving them a name and I wonder when they had one on ones with the other admin staff who's name they all gave? I can only hope that my experience and the fact that I can do most of the other's jobs and can multitask very well will save me from this. I have the most SAP (our operating system) experience at the branch and I help out EVERYONE at some time or other who knows what will happen? We have a meeting at 7.30 tomorrow morning and the whole branch HAS to be here. Good Luck to me!!

PARENT - Job Description

2009-03-09T06:48:00.000-07:00

Just got this email had it before but it worth a read:

POSITION :Mom, Mommy, Mama, MaDad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Papa

JOB DESCRIPTION :Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!Travel expenses not reimbursed.Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :The rest of your life.Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs R10.Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :Get this! You pay them!Offering frequent raises and bonuses.A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.When you die, you give them whatever is left.The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do... or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job. ** AND A FOOTNOTE 'THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **

I moved, I'm broke and I'm trying to fix it.................

2009-03-04T04:31:00.000-08:00

Hey hey thanks Angel for my birthday cupcake and post it was way kewl! Well I moved, I did it. But I have been in so much pain since then and am so highly stressed out that I haven't had time to enjoy it yet. My back is very very angry with me and it refuses to work and I am walking like a hunch back or like somebody with a carrot up their butt.....:-) My bro couldn't make it for the weekend and that sunk my spirits a lot. I worked very hard all day Saturday and I even got the fishes back into their tank before nightfall. I worried only about my animals, Thomas cat thinks that this new house is too cool, he moves from window to window surveying his territory and lying on the sills looking out. He refused to stay inside for the recommended three days when we first moved here and this time he also wanted out by Sunday morning, he is a seven year old wise cat and he went out for a bit came back to check we still there and out again....each time going a bit further and exploring a bit more. He seems to be visiting next door already where there is an aftercare centre and comes home FAT and happy each afternoon, oops I think he is being spoilt.

The stress levels are high, we having a rough time at work, home is rough. I am on my way to the bank AGAIN to try and solve my financial problems and I might be moving to another bank because my current one keeps giving me more money and it isn't solving a dam thing. yeah I PAY all the debts and yeah I am a great customer so help me FFS. I have been to them three times in the last four years for advice and they keep loaning me money increasing my OD etc. Well time to grow up financially and sort out the crap. I can't stress every single month about every single thing and so I need statements and I'm off to another bank who will help me consolidate and sort out. So after thirty one years with the same bank I might well be changing. I am so stressed about money and finances right now I can't sleep can't think straight and I can't even enjoy my new home. It's eating me inside and I HAVE to solve it for once and for all. So wish me luck!!

Stock Take is finished.............phew

2009-02-27T05:13:00.000-08:00

Being the Logistics Controller is not so nice when it is quarterley stock take, it's very tiring and I am bushed buggered and bent now. I have finished packing up the place, I can't move between the boxes and I am so "gatvol" of it all. I was looking forward to tomorrow being a total nightmare and a long long day. BUT as usual I am blessed with amazing friends and two of the guys from work are coming around with the truck and trailer after work so we can move at least half if not more of the stuff tonight already! How kewl is that? This week has been beyond hectic, I canned gym for the week and just worried about T's Geography Project packing and moving a few things each night in my car. I made some good head way but I was finished and asleep by about 8.30 every night and for me that is very unusual. I am mentally and physically tired and sitting here wishing we could go and start already and not wait until 4.30, my bosses are selfish b*stards wont give me two seconds off for this move. I eventually "demanded" Monday off so I wont be here Monday thank goodness. My brother is coming up from Hillcrest to help too, he can only leave there about 10. So we should be all but finished then except the dam fridge that has to stand up and needs and open bakkie to be transported in, so that will have to wait for bro. The week has been full of other stress too apart from work, the landlady hasn't put up the extra fence for the dogs yet, they will have to stay inside and in the courtyard for now,which is huge but paved.. UGH!!! My current agent is pushing me to finish early tomorrow because the new tenant wants to move in, stuff them I say!! Ive paid until end of the month they can go to hell! Anyway I dont need all that now so I am kinda not even letting it get to me! Hopefully the fence will be up soon and my bro will help me sort out house etc. I need to remember to lock up all my stationery today when I go home or when I come back on Tuesday it will all be gone! Nice people here very very nice!!

I am truely blessed.........

2009-02-19T21:42:00.000-08:00

Hey hey it's Friday thank goodness..........what a week and getting worse with stock take and moving next weekend. My amazing friend A brought me a packet of goodies yesterday when we went to curves. Ham and cheese and bread and weekend sweeties and she gave me some money so I SLEPT last night for the first time this week. My bro also phoned me and said he is going to give me money today. I prayed all week while I couldn't sleep and they did these things without me asking them. It is a true blessing and I am very grateful to God and to both of them. AND to God for putting them in my lives. This is one of my oldest and dearest friends we have been friends for 28 years shjoe that's long!! My bro is amazing he helps me a lot and he is also one of my best friends!

I am also grateful to you momcat for teaching me about the meat porridge, I had a half kg of chicken livers in my freezer and two chicken thighs. I set about making the porridge adding mixed veggies and rice and made a HUGE pot of porridge for the girls and the kitty. It is enough food for ages and I have frozen some too. The dogs love it, the cat likes it too but a little less he he. It is a huge saving and I will be doing it often from now on thank you!! Told T that you said well done about his door dragon and he was impressed asked about your kids and you and where you live and if you like nature etc.

Huge job ahead this weekend to finish the packing and make sure all is ready for the great trek. I have been blessed again with the truck and trailer from work and the guys that are going to help me.

Sometimes it can overwhelm me how truly blessed I am and how all you wonderful people are in my life and how much you do for me and T. Somebody told me it is because I am a special person and I do the same, nice to hear. I loose sight of all this often and worry about the nasty people and the yucky stuff that happens, should practice focusing on all the good, and there is plenty. We going to have DSTV in our new house and for free. The landlady is leaving some of the curtains for me, she is putting up an extra fence so the dogs will be safe, what an awesome life it can be.

have a wonderful weekend.............

Being "financially challenged" sucks!!

2009-02-17T21:46:00.000-08:00

Actually being POOR sucks! I have been set back after the robbery. It is not a fortune but it was money ear marked for stationery and uniforms and an account etc. O well sh*t happens but now I am in dire straights where money is concerned and I have no idea how we going to make it until the 26th of Feb (payday). So when I stopped at P n P this morning I asked T if he would like some halls (he is still coughing) and he said no a chocolate AND a juice, I told him I can't afford to buy him that every day ( I did yesterday) and he has lunch and juice in his bag. he 'freaked" he went into silent tweener mode and he refused to speak to me all the way to school, I admit I wasn't too nice either I asked him if he would rather go and live with his father where he can get all he wants but they are made to sit on the kitchen stools to watch TV & other strange things & are treated some what like "pests".............he said NO and got out the car closed the door and marched off little face all angry and sulky. It used to upset me this behaviour now it makes me angry even if I did have the money I wouldn't indulge him every day. I am actually not even angry right now. we are very 'alike' and we fight like crazy T and I and I know it wont last but sometimes it makes me a little sad. We are very close being that it is just the two of us but some people don't understand our relationship and they probably frown on the way we talk to each other at times etc. I know my mother does. O well like I said sh*t happens. Back to the grindstone we go..........after gym today there is somebody coming to see our current place that meant a quick tidy up this morning and pick up the dog poo and make sure there are no 'strange' items of clothing lying around, ugh I hate this!!!

O and Momcat if you read this please tell me how you make meat porridge for the kitties. I am dying to know and try it for myself.........THANKS!!!

T's door dragon.........

2009-02-16T21:51:00.000-08:00

weekend, art and moving

2009-02-16T05:14:00.001-08:00

It was a hectic weekend, we packed so many boxes all the cupboards are bare and now we living in a box infested place. A my friend, T and I used her fiancés bakkie on Friday afternoon and moved a load to the new house. It was mostly boxes but also all sorts of small things we could carry and load. Gave me more space to pack more boxes and today I have two in my car and a curtain that I washed and want to see if it is going to fit on a certain window I have in mind. Somebody is coming on Wednesday after work to view my current place. I hate that but what to do hey?

T went to the ‘valentines” ball at school on Friday night and danced with a few girls and had a great time. I was proud of my son because I am a sort of recluse I like to stay home and read and do stuff alone. I have always thought it isn’t a good thing for a kid to have a mother like this, but he is fine and outgoing and he enjoyed it a lot. I went and have a drink with friends while he was away, had to fetch him at eight. So even I went out for a change. He then made this amazing dragon “door stopper” at art on Saturday afternoon. It is flat on the side that goes against the door and three-dimensional on the side facing the room. They cut the main body shape out of thick heavy wood and then he had a bag of off cuts to choose all the rest from. He didn’t cut any of the shapes out he just used what was there and this is the result. I think it’s gorgeous and had to persuade him that I want it in my entrance hall in the new house next to the front door. He eventually gave in and said I could do that………..YAY!! O well now our internet is a bit dodgy can't upload the photo's will try again tomorrow

Otherwise it is a total “blue” Monday at work been a hectic day and I can’t wait to go to gym (yip I went back on Wednesday am still going every day) and exercise and rest my mind. It is a great stress reliever and I don’t want to miss out on that. I am better now T still has a cough but he is also way better.

Think Im loosing it a tad...........

2009-02-10T21:48:00.001-08:00

With T being sick, work being extra rough and hectic, moving and boxes and all I felt like sitting on the floor and bawling my eyes out last night. So much has happened in the last week to add to all this, one of my colleagues Dad passed away, another colleagues brother in law passed away another one's car was stolen, my friend was robbed of her cell phone. We have been short staffed because of all these dire circumstances. Plus I am sick, my child is sick and I have to pack and move and I can't keep my place clean and pack and be sick and nurse T......he he all just WAY too much. Then to top all this my gym "buddy" finishes work at four everyday and not 4.30 like I do, she sent an sms last night saying that she is going to gym earlier so she can be home at five. Well I have made a huge effort here, I get up at 5am and try to cook as much of that nights dinner as I can, I wash dishes pack boxes etc all before leaving for work. I have a child at home that needs me after work and he sacrifices that time for me to go to gym. When in actual fact if I think about it I could go in the morning before work and life would be normal, I always wake up early and have always exercised in the mornings. On the other hand after work it is quieter at gym which I like. But being the "paranoid" type I am feeling like I have been "rejected" & it is sore. I know I shouldn't feel this way and i shouldn't take it personally but I can't help it. Why do I feel like this?....................

"You Are Unique"

2009-02-08T23:00:00.000-08:00

I just got this via email, I don't know who wrote it but I think it's very kewl:

In the entire universe and in all time, you are the only you.
Never before and never again will there be another you.
You have talents and abilities that are uniquely yours.
No matter what you think of yourself there is someone who depends on you.
Your strength is the strength they rely on.
No matter what your circumstances and history your life makes a difference,
This world would not be the same without you.
Never again will your footsteps be repeated upon this earth.
Never again will your journey be made, so be proud of who you are and what you have achieved.
Stride boldly on your journey through life.
Leave a trail that others strive to follow.
Think no timid thoughts, take no timid steps,
This is your life and it will never be repeated so make the most of it.

I hate being a single mother when T is sick

2009-02-08T21:47:00.000-08:00

I hate being a single mom when T is sick. It is the one time when it feels like I'm "not good enough" because I can't be in two places at one time and I have to come to work and leave this child sick at home. I feel so bad doing it and I feel so guilty because I can't stay with him and because we don't have a full time maid or plenty of money so he has to be alone. The caretaker is there and she will keep an eye on him but man it hurts. he really isn't well so at eight I must phone the doc for an appointment and then I am going to take him and get his medicine etc and bugger whatever anyone here at work has to say. To add to this I am sick too blgggggggggggg

Work doesn't suck so bad today

2009-02-05T05:00:00.001-08:00

My "maatjie" is here today so it's a good day. He had to come to the office (the one that lives and works in the next town) so I got to eat lunch with a friend and smoke with a friend and have somebody to talk too. Earlier we went for a smoke and I was standing in the corner of the garage with my head bent almost double looking at an interesting moth with nice colouring and he was just quietly standing looking at me, next I was looking at the sparrows that clean the grills on all the cars. They jump on the front and eat all the bugs off the vehicles. I was chatting about all these little creatures and my friend was just standing there looking at me like I am a nutter!! :-) Well.............I guess I am a tad strange at times hey!
I have two more boxes in my car today to off load at the house and hopefully I can get a few pictures today, was raining yesterday, then I can show everyone that has been bugging me, and those that haven't what it looks like.

Ok it's FRIDAY now, didn't go and offload boxes S (my friend) loaded a whole lot of boxes on his bakkie and took them home for me and we had two beers each and chatted. It really was a nice day and now I have plenty of boxes to pack this weekend. It was so awesome to have somebody to help me. So far T and I have done all the loading & off loading alone and yesterday I was "spoilt". Ah friends they the most amazing things! So I am going to go and offload after work today and then pack pack pack this weekend. Well on Saturday, Sunday is T's birthday he wants the new Need For Speed Undercover Nintendo DS game, I have ordered it from the CNA and they promised it will be there today, they better hope it is OR ELSE...............or else I am going to be in big trouble with a soon to be 12 year old :-). I bought a cake mix this morning to bake him a cake. Has to be chocolate it is T! His game is expensive so there is no party or anything just game and cake his choice, but to this homebody it's an awesome choice. Hope this is an great Friday and it goes F A S T!!

Moving and the living is eeeeeeeeeeeasy

2009-02-03T21:45:00.000-08:00

I really do believe now that the "house" is meant to be. The wonderful kind owner told me yesterday that I can move stuff in from NOW..........I can take some every frikken day if I want to and so now I know it is meant to be (yip I ALWAYS doubt anything) and it isn't going to be too bad because by month end I can have moved ALL the small stuff and have a clean empty place to leave behind. It will mean only the LARGE pieces of furniture & appliances need go on the 27th. I have five boxes in my car today, books books & books he he. The house is at the gym so when I go after work I drop the boxes no extra trip no sweat no problem. How awesome. T is going with me today to "inspect" his new home (only seen it from the outside). It also means as they are packed they are moved so I don't need to be tripping over boxes and finding space for them in my present place. All this makes me feel kind of spoilt & special it is a lovely feeling!!
Lets mention the "smoking" issue............well I haven't exactly stuck to my quit this time around. BUT having said that I am working on a plan and so far it is going well. By December last year I was UP to about 25 a day, go figure from not a single PUFF for ten months I went NUTS!! Well for January I decided that 20 a day is MORE than too many fags and I stuck to 20 never buying more than one box at a time and if I ran out tough had to wait til the next day. I suffered severe "panic" attacks this time when I tried to stop cold turkey so I have been cutting ONE smoke a day, I am on 17 today and tomorrow 16 etc. It's going OK like this and even if I do get "stuck" on say 10 for a few days and then go down at least I am working towards a goal and I am not getting all "uptight" in the process. So I am kind of proud of myself now.
As for my other addiction I haven't had a whiskey in two weeks. He he and I'm proud of that too!!