Sometimes the symptoms are so strong..........

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder some years ago, it isn’t a major or very bad form it is just there. I have been on meds but I don’t like them they take the “highs” away and you kind of flat line. I do go into some really deep dark places at times and other times I border on insane happiness for no apparent reasons. I tend to get really down about “small” stuff and then I can be really stressed and unhappy to the point where I don’t sleep etc. “Big” stuff on the other hand I handle well or better and remain level headed. Right now the symptoms are really getting to me and I had a rough time with my landlady yesterday she is a bit pushy and she got it into her head to plant all sorts of plants etc in my garden. O well that’s nice enough isn’t it? Except I had a corner of indigenous ground cover with lovely bright flowers that specifically attracts butterflies and we have seen seven different species already, well she had that all that ripped out and planted agapanthus there instead. I love aggies always have but my heart is so sore about the butterflies and it kept me awake last night. See ‘small’ stuff but it upset me a lot and when I got home at lunchtime and discovered this I was really angry and went into a downward spiral.

The other thing I can’t handle is noise, I like the TV sound down low I like to be quiet and peaceful in the mornings when I get ready and I like being alone. It doesn’t always go well: like this morning there is a huge rain spider in my room and she was walking around the ceiling and T kept coming in and screaming and making horrible noises and scaring the sh*t out of me and the dogs and the spider. It gets so bad that I go into a total flat spin and then I forget half of what I have to do and I shake etc. I was at that point and closed the cupboard door on said spider without realizing it was there, now I am feeling bad because I squashed it, I opened the door when I saw she wasn’t on the ceiling anymore and found her there, not sure if she is going to be ok? I then proceeded to forget the dogs collars and then closed my precious dachshunds foot in the gate, was almost on the verge of tears and ready to throttle T and shaking like a leaf once we got in the car. I know I’m not the only person who gets upset about noise and commotion etc and I know it is something that is part of me, but sometimes it’s like I can’t function and I loose it totally, I forget the simplest things and go outside my self then it isn’t cool…….mostly I am fine but sometimes the symptoms are so strong…………

Smile...............

"prison break" cat.................

Wow he is driving me nuts. He does not want to be a house cat and he is determined to piss me off so much that I let him out and about again at night. I can't I want to so much I need to sleep I need to open the windows, but I have a responsibility to this cat and I love him. He is allowed out during the day now but after his dinner and evening stroll he is kept inside for the night. Boy does that cause trouble. He sits on window sills and bangs on the windows the dogs think somebody is trying to break in and they run around like crazy. He knocks things over, I am sure to get me to get up and play with him and spend time with him. He calls me, and Thomas has always been a silent cat only talking now and then. Now he talks all the time. He tries all sorts of things and though it is endearing and funny now, at 3am it isn't quiet so amusing. I am protecting him but he is going bats at the same time. Last night was freezing here and he actually slept on my bed until 2.37am when his antics began. He ended up being locked in the study again and I felt terrible, but he came out all loving and purring again this morning waiting to be let out the front door. Last I saw of him before I left for work was him sharpening his claws on a huge wooden reel (the ones used for metal cabling) that we have in the back yard. Happy to be FREE...........I am loath to let him roam at night anymore, but on the other hand he is 7 years old and has always been an outdoor cat and night is his favorite time. Lucky it is getting cooler now he stays home more in winter. O what to do???

Vets are expensive................

So Mr Thomas came home with a sore eye on Friday afternoon. Eye's are very annoying and he was keeping it closed and the pupil was a tiny slit. Off we went to the vet on Saturday morning and R248.00 later he had injections and is on medication for a week. She said either he had a mild stroke or was hit on the head or something fell on him. Eish we had to keep him inside all weekend and he was very angry about that. We let him out yesterday during the day and spent the afternoon in the garden with him. He came in for his dinner and tablets about 6pm and then we locked him in again. Last night he was really angry and he smashed an ornament that T bought me for valentines day two years ago and he paced around until I got angry and shut him in the study. This morning he came out all friendly and then smacked me hard until I let him out into the garden, by the time we left for work it was raining so he came inside of his own accord and I know he will sleep now and keep warm. I am glad he is OK but I am ready to strangle him too :-)

After the vet we went to the nursery and bought seedlings, we planted Petunias and Pansies and I cant wait for them all to flower. The pansies are the only ones not flowering yet. It means we prepared a large bed and got rid of a whole lot more weeds. Yesterday afternoon my friend A came over with coffee cake that was divine and we sat in the garden until after dark chatting and watching the birds coming to the feeder and bath etc. Was a lekker afternoon and next Sunday we going to do the same in her garden.

Kitty Day Care

Mr Thomas Heathcliffe was right at home in our new house until about ten days ago, he now thinks he is very clever and goes back to our old place in the middle of the night and then fails to come home until I go there and open the car door. He gets in ever so interested and sits on the seat beside me and looks out the window. You would think he has been driving around in the car every day for his entire seven years. He looks out at the traffic and purrs and sits perfectly still like a VIP being driven around in style, he is too cute and even gets in the car now just to be driven into the garage when I get home some days. He is a tad annoyed cos now we lock him in at night so he can't go down there too often, he never goes in the day only at night & most nights we find him and lock him in, but now and then he gets away only to be found visiting our old neighbours. They all know him and all make a fuss of him (he was the only cat there) so he is ever so happy to go and visit. The best time to find him there is late afternoon or on my way home from work, so it feels like he is at day care, I fetch him on the way home :-) Silly billy is always soooooooooo happy to see us but he keeps going back. I have never moved so close before, it's a little less than a KM so he hasn't done this before. The people in the old complex are very sweet and they wont feed him or anything to encourage a longer stay & are always phoning me etc. I am just scared that they might get 'gatvol'.....................o well ads spice to life and I think he is rather clever. He has been home since Saturday last weekend but this morning he wasn't around so it's off to day care for me today!!

FORTY EIGHT FABULOUS FACTS

I “stole” this from Angel, good way to start blogging again after my long break, there is no 22 or 50 cos I didn’t get the questions………..

1. Do you like Blue Cheese? I do
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? no
3. Do you own a gun? No
4. Parenthood: Eish it is hard wonderful annoying amazing and rewarding!
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Nope
6. Real or fake nails? Real but they are stunning and look like I have a french manicure one of my best features and people do think they fake at times, but I garden and do loads of manual stuff so I often chop them off.
7. Favorite Christmas song? It’s a german one that my Oupa used to play
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee and 500ml water
9. Can you do push ups? yeah but only about three
10. What’s your favorite piece of jewellery? Im not materialistic and I and don’t worry much about clothes and jewellery, I have a cross I like but I don’t wear it often.
11. Favourite hobby? reading and gardening
12. Do you have A.D.D.? No but I lean towards bipolar and have been on medication for it,
13. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? The fact that I underestimate my own self worth
14. Middle Name? Sandra
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: thought Friday would never come, why are some people so rude?, can’t wait to plant pansies this weekend
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: coffee, whisky and lots of water
17. Current worry right now? How long is Friday going to take? He he no I have had a really rough & busy time lately hence the blog silence and a lot to think about and digest so I am currently giving my brain a rest.
18. Current hate right now? The RUDE one mentioned above
19. Favourite place to be? At home and I spend a LOT of time there I don’t do shopping malls etc I honestly love to be at home more than anywhere else.
20. How did you bring in the New Year? Um……….o yeah I went to bed early he he
21. Like to go? Now? home, to the nursery
23. Do you own slippers? Yip I don’t wear anything on my feet soon as I hit home but in winter I like them
24. What colour shirt are you wearing? Ouch it’s got lotsa colours
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Haven’t tried
26. Can you whistle? yip
27. Favourite colour? Purple my bedroom is purple and green
28. Would you be a pirate? Yeah they drink a lot he he
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Don’t sing in shower
30. Favourite girl’s name? Cara Lee
31. Favourite boy’s name? Jason
32. What’s in your pocket right now? Cell phone and keys
33. Last person that made you laugh? Tracy
34. Worst injury you’ve ever had? Torn ligaments
35. Do you love where you live? Yeah it’s the best
36. How many TV’s do you have in your house? Four funny cos I hardly watch tv
37. Who is your loudest friend? Ann
38. How many pets do you have? 2 dogs 1 cat 3 fish
39. Someone have a crush on you? Yeah
40. What is your favourite book? there are many I always find more
41. What is your favourite candy? don’t really eat sweets but I love jelly tots
42. Favourite Sports Team? cricket
43. What were you doing at 12AM last night? sleeping
44. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? It’s Friday at last
45. Worst habit? Smoking
46. Do you play an instrument? Nope
47. How long does it take you to get to work? Depends how long I want it to take I often do groceries in the am instead of after work, but direct trip about five minutes…
48. Plans for the weekend? Planting pansies and having one weekend where I don’t go anywhere except the nursery, have had a helluva hectic life lately and been very ill for three weeks I need a break.
49. If you could eat anything in the world right this second? Nah not hungry